NAIJALINES

2LIPS on "Quint" - LMAO!!!

2012-01-27T14:52:00.000+01:00

I think we all need a little relief from the seriousness of the last couple of weeks on this blog. This video left me speechless and ROTFL. Watch Caribbean radio host 2Lips give advice to a listener on how to keep a man. Along with some unprintable stuff ;) 2Lips said "all men are dogs but some are well trained". Do you think she's right? She also made reference to Kegel exercises and asked the listener if she could "quint". Warning: it's a bit of a brow raiser. Do not watch if easily offended. Thanks to a Facebook friend for the heads up. No pun intended. Occupy Nigeria resumes shortly.

Occupy Nigeria: Treachery in the Ranks?

2012-01-22T14:11:00.000+01:00

Brilliant and insightful article on NLC/TUC role in the Occupy Nigeria Protest - Sahara Reporters.
30 pieces of silver, anyone?

While Nigeria Burns...

2012-01-21T11:53:00.000+01:00

Google images

Yesterday, Channels TV reporter Enenche Akogwu was killed along with six other people in a terrorist bomb blast in Kano, Nigeria. The Save Nigeria Group (SNG) called off today's scheduled victory rally in Lagos due to fears that militants had been positioned to attack protesters at the rally. I believe it was the right decision to avoid mayhem and loss of life. While Nigeria burns with terrorism and is diseased by corruption and ineptitude, we must keep hope alive by speaking out for change in our country. Occupy Nigeria.

Update: At least 170 dead after terrorist attacks in Kano.

Heartbeat - Nneka

Occupy Nigeria: A Young Lady's Message

2012-01-20T18:26:00.000+01:00

This video has been around for some time and is one of my favourites of Occupy Nigeria. The young lady in the video sums up what Occupy Nigeria is about. You don't have to be a celebrity or an influential person. You don't have to be militant, rude or violent. You just need to speak out.

Occupy Nigeria: Why is a Nigerian Minister of State Holding a 'town hall' Meeting in a New York Hotel?

2012-01-20T11:39:00.001+01:00

Occupy Nigeria protesters registered their displeasure at the wastefulness of public funds in a recent meeting hosted by Nigeria's minister of State. New York Police was called to intervene and restore order. The police's sensitive handling of the situation was in stark contrast to the shooting of protesters in Nigeria.

According to Sahara Reporters, the meeting was held on January 18 (two days ago) at the Grand Hyatt Hotel, New York. Why was this meeting held in New York? What a waste of public funds as 70% of Nigerians live on less than two dollars a day.

Thanks to Prism for the heads up.

Occupy Nigeria..."We As Nigerians Are Idiots To Be Ruled By Fools" - Dr Tunde Bakare

2012-01-17T16:32:00.000+01:00

When you have time, please sit down, watch and listen to this 24 minute video of a message delivered by Dr Tunde Bakare presumably in his church sometime last year. Whatever faith or non-faith you subscribe to, I promise you, it would be time well spent. He who has ears, let him hear.

Dr Tunde Bakare is a Nigerian pastor who also is a leader in the Occupy Nigeria Movement and heads an organisation called the Save Nigeria Group (SNG). He campaigned as vice presidential candidate alongside presidential candidate Muhammad Buhari in the last election but they lost to the incumbent President - Goodluck Jonathan. In the video, Dr Tunde Bakare said: "We as Nigerians are idiots to be ruled by fools". Do you agree with him?

Occupy Nigeria: Hear the Voice of the Wailing Masses

2012-01-15T14:53:00.000+01:00

Slight delay at start of video. Fab song by Aduke on protest: "Occupy Nigeria"
I am compiling a list of blogs on Occupy Nigeria and the subsidy removal protest. Soon, the list will be on the 'right hand' bar of this blog. Please leave a comment here or contact me if you want your blog added to the list.

Occupy Nigeria - Nigerian Bloggers Protest (Part 2)

2012-01-12T15:44:00.000+01:00

In the last four days Nigeria practically came to a standstill as protesters took on the government in a campaign that has engulfed the whole nation. World renowned Nigerian writers like Wole Soyinka and Chinua Achebe have added their voices to the protest. The Nigerian Labour Congress in its indefinite strike brought the Nigerian workplace to a halt. As I write, Nigerians are waiting patiently in their homes wondering who will give in, in this stand-off. In case you are reading this and don't know what "Occupy Nigeria" means, this is what it is about:

Reversing the removal of subsidy on petroleum products. The idea is not to make the life of Nigerians harder than it already is. The subsidy introduced by the Nigerian government on January 1st 2012 has already attracted a skyrocketing increase in the prices of goods, transport and services including a 120% increase in the price of petrol.

Dealing with corruption in government and public service
High rate of poverty: Majority of Nigerians live on less than $2 a day
Protest against inhuman treatment of Nigerians by government and security agents
Campaign against wasteful government spending and for a cut-back on politician allowances

So far 16 deaths have been recorded at protests in Lagos, Maiduguri, Ilorin and Gusau. All reportedly alleged shootings by the Nigerian Police Force.

Ademola Aderinde - Murdered in a Lagos protest

In solidarity with other Nigerians, I believe in a better Nigeria. Bloggers and fellow Nigerians, it is time to add our voices to the campaign for a better Nigeria. Occupy Nigeria. Occupy the cyberspace for a better Nigeria.

GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest

2012-01-03T22:17:00.000+01:00

I will start by saying this: Which other president in the world spends over three million dollars of their government's yearly budget on their personal food bill? Yet 70% of the country's citizens are made to live on less than a dollar a day. Please look at the chart below for more revelations that would blow your mind. I am livid, incensed for the majority of Nigerians whose lives would be made unbearable by the removal of the oil subsidy while President Goodluck Jonathan enjoys the insanely pampered luxury of a government sponsored 15 million dollar fuel/transportation maintenance bill. His total maintenance bill as sponsored by the Nigerian tax payer comes to a whopping total of over $39 Million Dollars.

Source

I will borrow the words of 9jaFooDie who blogged about this:

"If you have been praying for Nigeria, please STOP. God has done his part; He has given us EVERYTHING, Human and Natural Resources. It is time for a revolution of sorts, time to disintegrate and start over." I think there is a lot Nigerians can do using social media to garner support for a peaceful protest against what can only be seen as a misuse of government funds. Why should Nigerians suffer while the president and other political leaders live it up at the expense of Nigerian citizens? Those resources belong to us all.

What You can do (Everyone has a part to play)

So I am asking all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties to join me in a Nigerian Bloggers Protest for a week starting from today or by tomorrow. To join the protest:

1. Do a similar post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"

2. Add the pic/tabled diagram in this post

3. Publish your post today or latest by tomorrow

4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place in a prime position on your blog for seven days.

5. You can still play your part as a non-blogger: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media.

6. Journalists, use your media space.
7. If you've done a post or published elsewhere online, please leave a link here, so I can come over and comment. Thanks.

RIP Citizen Muyideen Mustafa - the young man who died in Ilorin's peaceful protest against the removal of the oil subsidy.

Are you going to be quiet and let his death be in vain?

"Asti La Vista" and A Happy New Year

2012-01-01T18:30:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year, guys!

Hope you had a fantastic new years eve leading up to the beginning of 2012. How one spends new year's eve is what determines how the new year goes, not the first day of the new year itself - that's what I heard o. It was a girls' day out for Tomtom and I. I was initiating her in the joys of shopping and she seemed to love it. We had a fab day except that I could not find the beloved Martini Asti. It's a ritual in our home to usher in the new year with a drop of Asti. None of us like the sour after-taste of champagne. We went into every supermarket, store and corner shop within a five mile radius and found no Asti. I know many Nigerians love Asti for like forever. So who drained the streets of London of the great Asti? Surely, not just Nigerians? I came to one sober conclusion: The recession is teaching some people a lesson in taste! Asti is the new champagne. As luck would have it, there were two bottles of Asti waiting on the Kitchen table when we got back home. Monsieur Strong saved the day. The new year would be bubbly, I thought, as we ushered in the new year after a short prayer while watching Jools Holland on the BBC.

So what's to hope for in 2012, both at home and in diaspora?

Nigeria
1. With increasing pressure from online campaigners, writers and bloggers, and the actions of a lazy Nigerian government under the internet microscope for the whole world to see, Nigerians could demand more from their political leaders this year. Some basic (publicly available) amenities like electricity and pipe borne water would be great to start us off. GEJ can Shape up or Shape out.

2. Laws and social policies to curtail and deal with acts of violence towards women should be high priority given the unhealthy gender politics that has diseased the fabric of Nigerian society for so long.

3. It would also be a great year for human rights in Nigeria if the anti-gay same sex marriage prohibition bill was to not see the light of day.

UK
1. With the recession predicted to get worse before it gets better, one wonders if there is anything to look forward to?

2. Cheaper prices in food and utilities would be great.

3. Jobs for the unemployed would be good news too.

4. Is 2012 the year UK would decide to accept American English (and world domination), so we can all write and spell the same? So I can stop having red misspell lines marking every word I spell the British way?

5. 2012 Olympics is in LONDON! Yay! Who wants to rent a room? Lol.

"One" - an old tune by U2 featuring Mary J Blige: was playing in my head while writing this post.
Stay energetic, focused and blessed, people. Have a great 2012!

Best and Worst of 2011

2011-12-29T02:00:00.000+01:00

Best
1.Online Nigerian protest against violence towards women. Particularly the gruesome murder of Titi Arowolo and also the Abia rape case. Nigerian Bloggers and online campaigners, you rock!

2. Nigerian government, police and fake pastors are finding out that with the INTERNET, there is no where to hide!

3. The growth of 'African Writing' and Nigerian literature. Long may it continue.

4. Facebook: Reading funny status updates. Favourite FB personality: Literary critic Ikhide Ikheloa
5. People 'defriending' on facebook based on principles and beliefs. 'Homophobic friend' defriending particularly caught on amongst my facebook friends. So cool!
6. Free music and video sharing online....do people still find it necessary to buy?
7. 'Ditching' British soap opera "Eastenders" after 20 years ...The number of years wasted.
8. Xmas presents - particularly from my son Ore and two friends...thoughtful and lovely.
9. After-Xmas sales...Never did the sales before - my sizes are unique. Could not believe the bargains this year.
10. Mild British winter...so far. The warmest December in a very long time.

Source

Worst
1. Activities of Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram (over 40 reported dead following bombing on Christmas day) and the Nigerian president's failure to address the issue.Where are you headed, Nigeria?
2. Appalling record of Nigerian government response to violence towards women.
3. Homophobia may soon become a legalized Nigerian 'institution', thanks to the government anti-gay 'same sex marriage prohibition bill' which also bans the activities of pro-gay associations.
4. Accidents on death-trap Nigerian roads. 'Lost count of show biz personalities dead in road accidents this year. Imagine the countless faces of unknown people who did too.
5. The recession...puts a dampener on most things.
6. British Prime minister David Cameron and the conservative party's policies on everything affecting ordinary people
7. Facebook: Vile homophobic, sexist and intolerant ('faith') comments.
8. Online bitching: Women who put down other women for no reason.
9. US chat show host Wendy Williams...arrrrgh! What's her show about?
10. Gossip blogging that translates into humiliating people for commercial gain. Stop!!!

The next time I see you would be in the New Year. Happy 'Fantabulous' New Year, people!

Crazy Bargains...and a Burden that Should Make You Sick!

2011-12-26T23:21:00.001+01:00

bur·den/ˈbərdn/

Noun:

A load, esp. a heavy one.

Some sad scenes on the news yesterday from Indiana, USA. People got trampled over in the rush for bargain sales in the stores. Apparently the Police had to be called to contain the madness. In another corner of the world, another kind of madness exploded. Did anyone bother to call the police? It is feasible that no one bothered to call the feckless Naija police ~~aka~~ ~~Agberos in Uniform~~. Bombs exploded in Central and Northern Nigeria. Muslim Extremist Group Boko Haram is allegedly responsible. According to Vanguard News, President Goodluck Jonathan had this to say: bombs are "a burden Nigerians have to bear until it fizzles out".

I had some pretty good bargains today. My shoulders are already heavy from the load so I refuse to carry Mr President's burden. I drank some wine instead and it is getting where it bl**dy should! So tell me: are you a burden carrier? Have you got the oshuka to carry Mr Goodluck's burden on your head?

Merry Christmas...as a New Year Beckons

2011-12-24T13:07:00.000+01:00

The song in the video brings beautiful memories of Christmas in Nigeria. The song in Yoruba, speaks of the need for God's protection as the year draws to an end and a new year is almost within reach. Enjoy Christmas and all its goodies. This year I'm serving the usual Naija spread, some British fare, plus roast duck, dodo Ikire, goat and smoked turkey pepper soup. If you're cooking jollof rice, try this tip for that smoky delicious taste - add smoked chicken or turkey stock to your pepper and tomato paste before bringing to a boil. Using the stock also means you won't need as much butter and oil. Poultry stock gives jollof rice that creamy taste with less fat compared to beef or lamb stock. Use only the clear stock and avoid any dark bits.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May God protect us all and our country Nigeria as a new year beckons.
*A o ni b'odun lo o!*
*Odun tuntun a ba wa layo*

Watch out for my what "I love and hate about 2011" post to round up an interesting year.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all Naijalines readers. This space would not be the same without you. I'm so grateful.

*Yoruba. Translates as:
We would not 'expire' with the outgoing year.
We would 'meet' the new year with happiness.
That's the best translation you're getting out of me, lol!

Dodgy Pastors: I Was A Victim Too

2011-12-21T14:04:00.000+01:00

source

To many of the Pentecostal faith, the Pentecostal Church may appear to be under attack this week with one pastor 'slapsgiving' and another exorcising demons with his penis. As I reflect on my thoughts on Christianity and in particular the Pentecostal Church, two incidents stick in my mind. Incident one: I...a single young woman in London, met and befriended a Nigerian couple. It was a difficult time in my life. They were nice to me. They invited me to their church in central London. The husband was just starting out in his pastoral career. One Sunday after church, pastor offered to drive me back home. When we got to my flat, he insisted on praying for me. I wasn't particularly keen as I was alone with him and didn't feel comfortable. I did not want to offend him so I led him to the living room. As I knelt down, he pulled me up and with a dazed look in his eyes, asked for the bedroom. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I told him to leave. His wife kept calling me. She didn't know what had happened. I didn't tell her. I didn't go back.

Incident two: (Seven years later) I'm at a friend's flat in London. She'd invited eight of us for a prayer meeting. The 'pastor', cocky as hell, strolls in. Almost immediately he starts shouting, asking for a circle to be formed. He is at the center of the circle and starts picking on each person. He'd ask: "what have you done that led you here today?". He was good! People were crying, falling over themselves, rolling on the floor. When it was my turn, I looked him straight in the eye and said nothing. He wouldn't leave me alone. He became verbally abusive, spitting out all manner of obscenities. I didn't answer him. I just smiled. He didn't like that so he verbally diarrhea-ed himself some more. I remember him pushing me so forcefully. He wanted to do the forceful pushing that 'pastors' like him do to make their victims fall down in obvious defeat and humiliation. I stood my ground. I did not fall. For once I was thankful for being a rather plump bird. The feeling I'm left with to this day is that some people in the group suffered irreparable damage to their psyche on that night. They suddenly became aware of 'failures' they did not have before. My friend the hostess was practically in a trance. The 'pastor' blamed her for the break-up of her marriage. "It was your behaviour that made him leave, wasn't it? "You made him leave and now you must pray for him to come back". "Yes, yes, yes!" My friend answered on her knees, crying profusely. "It is me and I want him to come back". In reality, she never wanted him back. They had been living apart for five years following a very abusive marriage which left her a shadow of her former self. She was in fact fighting for a divorce which he was refusing to give. After that night, my friend became confused. She went out of her way to make contact with her estranged husband. She even went to see him in Canada where he was now based. Thankfully, they did not get back together.

So I'm here making some points that all Christians (including myself) should bear in mind:

1. No one has a special gateway to God, we all have the same channel to reach him.
2. Your pastor is no more specially anointed than yourself.
3. In all things, think for yourself, do not be influenced by what any man or woman says

My name is Adura Ojo and I'm a confirmed Anglican. Peace and Merry Christmas to you all.

*I would like to point out that although my experiences were with Nigerian pastors, it is an issue in many countries where religion/religiousity is a prevalent force to be reckoned with.

Slapping In Jesus Name?

2011-12-20T00:46:00.000+01:00

Can a pastor slap another human being in Jesus name?

The act

Defending the act

Paradise

2011-12-17T15:56:00.001+01:00

I've had "Paradise" - a song by British band Coldplay - playing in my head for a while now. Great Lyrics too. On a lighter note, what the heck is going on with Chris Martin and that chair? See more Paradise videos on youtube if you don't know what I'm talking about ;) Enjoy the live recording of the band on the Jonathan Ross show. I've also included Tomtom's favourite video of the song which features the band in elephant costumes.

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of Para-para-paradise,
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

Rest of the lyrics at: Metrolyrics

Nigeria: Why I DO Not Hail Thee on Equality and Justice (Distressing Picture Alert)

2011-12-10T16:32:00.002+01:00

Today, I reflect on a Nigeria I can no longer relate to. A Nigeria that saddens me as soon as its syllables reach my ears or touch the edge of my tongue. Nigeria We Hail Thee was the national anthem before it was replaced by Arise, O Compatriots in 1978. And just like a relic of the past, Nigeria seems bent on going backwards infinitely. 'Nigeria We Hail Thee' was always my favourite of the two. The lines of that anthem have never been truer or more needed than it is now and it would soon be obvious why this is so by the end of this post.

Why do I say Nigeria is going backwards? That's simple. The concept of equality has a peculiar meaning to the Nigerian ear. Ministers rob the state blind every day, reportedly buy houses costing twenty million euro, and swell up private Swiss bank accounts with stolen government cash while pensioners literally perish in the sweltering sun of the land of their birth after months of starving without pay. Nigerians often say: "don't worry, God is in control. He will punish those greedy politicians." But get this: A desperate man steals a bracelet in the market place. How dare he steal! He must be taught a lesson. He must pay. He is burnt alive by a blood thirsty mob. The video is no longer available on YouTube. I saw it. It was vile.

At a time when other countries in the world are cleaning up their act; Egypt, Libya, Iraq - to name a few. Nigeria is busy going backwards. One of its greatest achievements this year is championing violence towards women. Remember this? Nothing happened to the perpetrators. Now look at the picture below. This is the latest incident to come to the attention of the Nigerian media. The culprits of such appalling violence are almost never brought to book. The culprit in the latest case is yet to be caught. He may never be caught. Nigerian politicians and presumably the Police too have been too busy looking at how to corner adults who fancy same sex adults.

Source

Apparently homosexuality is the cause of poverty, rape, lack of good quality health care, bad roads, lack of electricity and pipe borne water in Nigeria. Homosexuality will not let Nigerians go to sleep at night. It is responsible for high mother-and-infant mortality rates. Man on man love starves Nigerians to death, robs them in broad daylight and stops them getting the thousands of jobs on offer in the highly thriving employment market. It destroys the transformers that provide badly needed electricity and causes needless accidents on death trap roads. Yes, homosexuality has many ills to answer for and the Nigerian government must exorcise its spirit so that its legislators on passing that bill can now think straight. Thanks to the Same Gender Marriage Prohibition Bill 2011, Nigeria can look forward to manna from heaven for its vulnerable citizens when USAID (plus other foreign aid and investment) dry up. Make no mistake, Obama means business about human rights. Nigeria will suffer through withdrawal of international aid if this bill becomes law. Good luck, Nigeria.

I finish by reflecting on Nigeria's previous national anthem: 'Nigeria We Hail Thee'. It is sad that it was replaced with 'Arise O Compatriots.' There is nothing patriotic about oppressing a homosexual minority and taking away the human rights that every other Nigerian enjoys in expressing their sexuality.

Nigeria We Hail Thee*

Nigeria, we hail thee,

Our own dear native land,
Though tribe and tongue may differ,
In brotherhood we stand,
Nigerians all, are proud to serve
our sovereign motherland.

Our flag shall be a symbol,
That truth and justice reign,
In peace or battle honoured,
And this we count as gain
To hand on to our children
A banner without stain

O Lord of all creation,
Grant this our one request
Help us to build a nation
Where no man is oppressed
And so, with peace and plenty,
Nigeria may be blessed.

*"Nigeria We Hail Thee" - by Lillian Jean Williams. Courtesy of Wikisource

"God Punish You"

2011-11-24T18:25:00.001+01:00

While on the school run today, this lovely older lady (who joins me in a convo depending on how much time we've both got to kill) ambles up next to me. Looking at me eyeball to eyeball, she says: "God punish you!" In confusion, I do a double take. Obviously enjoying my discomfort, she again says: "God punish you!"
"Why now, mama?", I burst out laughing (try to hide my discomfort and pray fervently that she'd better come up with a smart story on this one or....!!!)
"Ahn ahn, why...all of you...two two children! Holding back God's blessings! "You've got two too, haven't you?"
"Yes...I say hesitatingly. Yes, mama?"
"Ah...why? Don't you know you are holding back the blessings for your race, your community? You use technology to limit God's blessings. All these children you kill every month, they will stare at you in heaven when you get there." Mama starts laughing. I join in. I explain that life is hard in today's world. Most people cannot afford to have more than two. There is no help, money buys less, lifestyles are hectic, too much to do, very high expectations, etc.

"But they manage it back home don't they?" Quipped mama.
"Ah...mama, but people starve too when they have more children than they can feed." Is that not part of the problem in Africa? There is so much poverty. We can't eat children, yet we keep having them.

Perhaps some of us in the diaspora are cautious. I know quite a few African families in the UK with five or six children, regardless. Statistics in the UK show that ethnic minority populations* would soar over that of the indigenous population in the next three decades. It would seem that despite crossing the great atlantic, our ability to breed has not deserted us. God may not punish us afterall.

*Ethnic minority populations include Africans and other ethnic groups in the UK.

On Disagreeable Fish and the Virtue of Saying "NO"

2011-11-09T15:41:00.001+01:00

google images

1. I'm not complaining.
2. In fact I'm grateful and thankful. What about you?
3. At this time of the year, one needs to embrace all shoots of thankfulness that one can find and nurture.
4. Ore sent me a text: "Last night's fish didn't react well with my system."
5. I replied: "Which part of the fish was disagreeable? The chunk that slid nicely down your throat or what came out the other end?"
6. He said: "Was just shaking my head when I read that."
7. I suppose he's given up on having a 'normal' mum.
8. Ok. I did the "Sorry dear. How 'r u feeling?" afterwards.
9. Then I realised my stomach cramps weren't down to Aunty Flo's impending doom.
10. Monsieur Strong must henceforth avoid fish shopping. This is the second time his fish shopping/cooking extravaganza has almost killed us. Thankfully, Tomtom did not partake on this occasion.
11. On the virtue of saying no, it's time Nigerian youth corpers refuse to go up north for their national youth service. A female corper was recently killed in Yobe state. Obedience to NYSC should not cost you your life.
12. 'Particularly angry because the NYSC chiefs have not kept the promise to change their policy of sending southerner corpers up north to risk their lives. Sounds like pretty reasonable grounds...to say "NO, I'm not going!". Don't you think?

Adura's Eyes

2011-11-01T03:36:00.000+01:00

Adura's Eyes...I SEE in Words

Eyin eniyan mi*** (My people),

Lately there's been so much happening in my writing life. So I've decided to open up a third blog for my own work - poetry, prose, et al. (Blogging was never meant to be a full time hobby...God help me!). I want NAIJALINES to retain its original aim - blogging about any issues as I see fit - for a personal blog. I may be absent here for some time due to some writing commitments and may not post as often but I will do my best to post as regularly as possible.

Wish me well and please stay with me on my journeys as mother, wife, writer, reviewer, poet, *add any additional nice roles here* lol. Please follow me on Adura's Eyes. Poetry and the occasional prose can be found there from now on. I've put my literary pieces including those here at Naijalines on Adura's Eyes. Adura Ojo Presents would remain fit for purpose as a book blog. Thank you so much for your support and feedback as we continue the journey together.

Blessings as always,

Adura.

***Yoruba language, South West Nigeria.

Sentinel Literature Festival 2011...(And Guess Who is Featured Writer?)

2011-10-19T19:50:00.006+01:00

Sentinel Literature Festival 2011, 27, 28 & 30 October

Sentinel Literary Festival 2011 Participants

Hi guys!

I had to end my break on Naijalines to announce good tidings. Who does not like announcing good things? I do not know of any such person. If you do, please avoid them. Lool. Ok...drum roll and giant plug alert. Adura Ojo is reading from her poetry collection at the Sentinel Literary Festival on Friday 28 October. The Sentinel Literary Festival opens its doors on Thursday 27 October, Friday 28 October and Sunday 30 October. All three nights are to be hosted by festival director and Sentinel Publisher Nnorom Azuonye in what is billed as a literary fest of great poetry, music, knowledge and storytelling sessions from beautiful writers. Other Writers participating in the event are: Graham Burchell, Miles Cain, Monica Clarke, Terence Frisby, Nengi Ilagha, Tinashe Mushakavanhu, Osita Okagbue, Peter Olorunisomo, Derek Sellen, Amanda Sington-Williams, Christie Watson, Andy Willoughby and N.Quentin Woolf. So join us at University College London. Full details of the events here. Get tickets here. For details of how to get 25% discount off the ticket price, check my facebook profile page. Basically, you can attend all three nights for £18 or a single night at just £7.50. Now, where are you going to get a night of pure class (these are very posh people oh!) at that price?

Oh...and guess what? I am 'Featured Writer' this week over at Romantic Friday Writers Group, for my poem: First Love. Yay!!! The badge is given weekly to the writer(s) whose work(s) are most outstanding in that particular week. As I've been runner up twice, this is really an honour. I share the honour of featured writer this week with Sarcasm Goddess, whose story I really enjoyed reading. Thanks to organisers - Denise (aka L'Aussie) and Francine for conferring the honour. I shall display my badge with pride at "Adura Ojo Presents. Read some beautiful stories and poems from other RFW writers; for details of how to join the group or just put in an entry, check in here.

Those who are able to make it to the Sentinel Literary Festival, see you there. If you can't make it, wish me luck! Ask me to break a leg but don't wish it. Lool!

Misha Byran & B. I.T

2011-10-09T17:10:00.001+01:00

Check out Misha Bryan aka Misha B's version of Adele's Rolling in the Deep at last night's X Factor live show. The show featured 16 contestants - they would be cut down to twelve in tonight's show. Every one of the four judges is expected to send one of their acts home tonight. Misha B had better not be one of them or Kelly Rowland would get a slap through the TV screen. (Ore laughed when I said that yesterday). Anyway, I doubt Misha would be going home tonight cos like Kelly said, baby girl "put it down!" 'Hoping Misha gets to the final three of the X Factor this season. 'Noticed her unique talent from the first audition and in boot camp. Enjoy the music.

I'm having a little break in transmission (B.I.T) here at Naijalines. But I'll be over at Adura's. See you soon:)

On Having a Public Blog

2011-10-03T14:09:00.001+01:00

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I recently had reason to reflect on the downsides of having a public blog. I've blogged about this before. I would add a few conclusions here, though I'm yet to be convinced that having a restricted (invitees only) blog solves any of the issues.

1. Problem with becoming a non-anonymous blogger is that you start to face that issue - often the bug of real life celebrities. Acquaintances in real life who think they know you, assume the most perverse things about you. They add two and four together and come up with fifteen.

2. A reader is free to read and interprete a writer's work. It is a process we all enjoy. But when a writer is stopped in the street and accused of an abomination of the reader's own creation; that is a wicked act that serves no purpose other than to cause the writer some distress.

3. A writer must write, regardless.

Sunny Side Up

2011-09-30T12:23:00.000+01:00

1. I fear that time has ten legs and I only have two. How am I supposed to keep up?
2. Do you ever get that feeling?
3. Wish I could be as emotionally responsive online as I usually am in real life.
4. I know why I'm not. But it's still frustrating.
5. Just read someone's comment on a blog and it moved me to tears.
6. I wrote a heartfelt comment in response. I didn't post it.
7. Does that happen to you?
8. Hot this week in the UK. (We had a cr*p summer).
9. Nature is like maths. It adds up in the end.
10. Isn't that reassuring?

It'll be a hot weekend here in the UK. Have a fantastic weekend folks, wherever you are:D

Is it by Force to get Married?*

2011-09-27T12:45:00.005+01:00

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I read with astonishment, this article said to have been published in a Nigerian newspaper. I don't understand the obsession with marriage. Perhaps someone can enlighten me? Is it air that every single Nigerian woman must breathe lest she dies when she hits the magical age of 30? Ah but they've been breathing since the day they were born, so what's the big deal? Why do we need this social leprosy in the guise of poisonous gender discrimination in our country? Why do we need this stick to beat single ladies of any age? Nigerian women already have it tough negotiating the tricky slimy waterways of a partriarchal culture that cuts them no slack whatsoever. Please understand that Nigerian men are not subjected to the same bias. Nobody gives them an age limit. No one tells them there is a marry-before date, by which time, their status as one of the undesirables in society is truly established.

Marriage is a choice, not a necessity. Everyone is entitled to a life choice that is theirs to make. A woman's worth should never be defined by her marital status. As women, we must resist this socially divisive exercise of using our marital status as a tool to oppress other women. We should stand together and support each other. Single ladies, it is not your fault if you have not yet met 'The One'. It is ok if you do meet him. It is ok if you never meet him. It is ok if having met him, you realise you made a big mistake and you have to leave. It is ok if you don't want a husband and 2.4 children. It is ok to be you. Scrap that. YOU are fabulous!

*I do apologise for the many amendments to this post.

Time To Laugh

2011-09-24T10:02:00.001+01:00

With all that's happened in Nigeria and elsewhere, drama, tragedy et al, I think it's time to laugh. How about you? Ay is a Nigerian comedian. This particular sketch is indicative of (stereotypical) Nigerian cultural attitudes toward a person who threatens suicide. Enjoy.

Gina Yashere is my favourite comedienne. She is British-Nigerian. I've had her here before. I just can't get enough of her. I would love to pull those police officers over too. Better make sure I've only got 'hand luggage' though! Enjoy. Have a great weekend!

All Is Fair in Love

2011-09-22T10:37:00.001+01:00

The saying goes: All is fair in love and war. And that's the theme of today's post. Here we go!

1. I genuinely do not take seriously people who take themselves a tad too seriously.
2. It is draining of positive energy so I tend to ignore and move on.
3. I do not need to impress anyone and no one needs to impress me.
4. Wish many more people had an idea of how truly freeing that is.
5. Not a believer in 'reputations', reputations tend to have a veneer about them
6. The more investment someone has in their reputation, the more the indulgence in self preservation.
7. - Not caring who they trample on in the process
8. I will not respond to manipulation of any sort even in the public arena
9. Love and respect all of humanity
10. But have no respect for falsehood and hate.
11. 'Love regardless
12. 'Cos all is fair in love...and war.

Fish Them Out Now!

2011-09-21T12:33:00.002+01:00

A lady was raped by five gang members in Abia State, Nigeria. The five perpetrators of the rape made a video of their barbarity and sent it out for circulation in what is now world wide viewing on the web. It is an effrontery to the conscience and dignity of all Nigerians for the authorities concerned to refuse to investigate a rape that has assualted the consciousness of not just Nigerians but non-Nigerians the world over. The question is not WHERE it happened or WHY it happened but WHAT you the Nigerian Government are doing about it.

What are you doing about it? - Nigerian leaders and lawmakers

Nothing. Abia state governor Orji has allegedly said this is the work of his detractors, therefore end of story.
So I ask all well meaning and resonable people out there: since when did rape of a human being become part of a political game to be ignored at will by the person with the local jurisdiction (in this case) to stamp out such acts of evil and barbarity? And if by some ridiculous stretch of the imagination, it really is the work of your detractors, Governor Orji, here is your chance to really go after them and nail them. Right?

The Role of Law Enforcement Agencies
What is the role of the Nigerian Police here? Are they to conduct an investigation as one would expect in any just state where the rule of law exists? Ah I forget. The rule of law in Nigeria is a flexible instrument only to be reverted to when criminals do not have deep pockets or Godfathers. Perhaps the Nigerian Police is waiting for Governor Orji's political detractors to get in touch. We are waiting. The world is waiting.

Should the Victim Come Forward?
There have been calls for the victim to come forward and identify the perpetrators of this crime. While this is indeed well meaning and may infact be seemingly logical and ideal to solve the crime, it is not the best way forward for several reasons. The way the law works in cases of rape (in most jurisdictions), evidence presented in court is based not just on what the victim says but also on objective evidence (such as in this case - the video, other witnesses, physical evidence, etc). It is unlikely that a conviction could be secured on just the victim's evidence alone. Secondly, there is of course the threat to her safety which cannot be ignored. Where is the victim now? What efforts have been made to ensure her safety? Thirdly, we are back on the ethically shaky ground of making the victim 'prove it.' This reason alone accounts for why a lot of rape goes unreported, perpetrators feel protected and simply carry on. It is not up to the victim to 'prove it'. That is the work of the police - as in the gathering of evidence and for the prosecuting lawyer to take that gauntlet and aim it where it secures a conviction. The problem in this particular case is that the perpetrators appear to be well connected but the advantage for law enforcement is that the objective evidence (video) is already out there. The Police need to do their job and arrest suspects. The victim can then feel safe enough to come forward and give evidence that could help secure a conviction.Too much emphasis on the victim coming forward at this point is delaying the investigation and further removing any chances of catching the perpetrators before they run out of the country and escape justice altogether.

In order for this case to move forward and for the law of the land to be observed; to prove that Nigeria is not a failed state, the Police must do their job to bring the perpetrators of this barbaric act to book. It is what the victim deserves and it is the very least we should ask of a state that is meant to protect all its citizens. In the interests of humanity - the thread that we all share, fish them out now.

On Rape

2011-09-18T12:53:00.003+01:00

For ''Dara".

Oh, how I wish you'd find the strength to not let them win.

I read Linda Ikeji's post with some sadness. A one-hour video of a female gang raped by five guys supposedly from Abia University in Nigeria was sent to her. I will not comment on the response of the state governor who apparently promised to look into it "on Monday." I'll leave that to you to draw your own conclusions. Nigeria does not have a great record of dealing with rape or supporting rape victims. Apart from the fact that I'm female and can only imagine the horror of being sexually traumatised by five men, the story touches me because I know that some rape victims never recover from their ordeal.

I call her Dara* because she is a good person. One of the best. Dara my older sister's friend was studying for her A'levels in one of Nigeria's higher education institutions in the 80's when she became friends with three guys in her class. Along with some other guys and girls, they formed a reading group and supported each other in their preparation for exams. It was not uncommon to meet up on campus at night and read through till the next morning. One night, the three guys who'd become trusted friends were reading with Dara in the academic block. It was quiet. They were the only ones there. Suddenly they pounced. No one heard her screams. She probably did not scream because she was too shocked to believe what was happening to her...what her friends were doing to her. She staggered to her dorm. Only my sister and another friend knew of what had happened. Dara found the courage to take it all the way to court. Then. Nothing. Happened. I did not know her story until twenty five years later...My sister had kept it to herself all these years.

Dara has a great job in one of Nigeria's most successful companies. On the outside she has it all. There is only one problem. She is unable to sustain a relationship with a man. She is unable to trust. She relives her ordeal every time a man tries to get close. The man gets fed up and moves on. I still pray that she finds it in herself to not let those bas**rds win. Even after all these years, they should not win. Life is full of possibilities.

*"Dara" - in Yoruba - means "good". It is not her real name.

Homophobia is the New Racism. Discuss.

2011-09-14T13:10:00.000+01:00

I first blogged about homophobia in 2008 in a post titled "Hate-Free Zone!" Unfortunately I could not retrieve the post when I deleted my blog in October of that year. Those who are seasoned readers of this blog would remember that post quite well. It received close to a hundred comments. It's a common thing in the blogosphere that any post on homosexuality receives a lot of responses, many of them hateful. It is also a well known fact in this corner of blogville that I abhor homophobia or any other form of persecution. So I have an interesting task for all you 'I-ain't-anti-gay-I-just-hate-the-act' and the more conservative 'homosexuality-is-wrong-period(!)' brigade.

Stop The Persecution 101 Exam (Time allowed: As much As you like)

Question: Homophobia is the new racism. That is why we must support gay marriages. Discuss.
NOTE:

You are not allowed to refer to the bible, 'hell' or any other religious beliefs (We can only impose our beliefs on ourselves, not on others)
You are not allowed to use any hateful words in your arguments
You are not allowed to use the 'slippery slope argument' (ie. "if we allow gay couples to live freely and give them the same marital rights that heterosexual couples enjoy, we open the door to paedophilia and beastiality". Not only is comparing homosexuality to a sexual perversion totally unacceptable and unfair, it is an erroneous and foolish assumption.
History tells us Black people were enslaved, persecuted and killed due to hate until it became not so fashionable. Gay people are as I write, being persecuted and killed in parts of Africa. So what's the difference?

Let's have your well reasoned out arguments in support of or against the statement (question above).
Have a lovely day!

Stories Like This: The Story of Lascel Wood

2011-09-13T21:30:00.000+01:00

Sometimes there are no words. Lascel Wood has a story that touches my heart, moreso because it shows that sometimes the social welfare system really does work to protect the vulnerable. But more than that, regardless of circumstances; there is nothing like a mother's love.

See Lascel Wood on Youtube.

I also liked Sami Brookes' audition. Do you agree with Kelly Rowland that Sami's size is sexy? She'd have to do something about the way she bends though. Not very erm...ladylike;-) To be honest, I get visions of...Okay, we won't go there! Lol.

Couldn't post the videos here cos they've all been disabled for embedding on blogs. Please click on the youtube links provided above. Enjoy!

'Back' and by Manna, Learning New Things Still

2011-09-03T14:56:00.001+01:00

Hi Guys,

Yes, I'm back...fully back, though I've not really been away. As you can see, I've been putting up posts both here and on Adura Ojo Presents. I haven't been up to speed on my blog rounds though, and I do apologise for that. So how can I make it up to you? Shall I serve up some pounded yam and egusi with orisirisi meat? Goat meat pepper soup or Moin moin with seven lives? (Non-nigerians take note: the last item does not walk on two legs or breathe while it is being eaten).

So I had a mini break. It was good because I was able to work on my poetry collection, the working title of which I will share with you soon. You may (hopefully) help me with a few decisions as I come closer to finishing the collection and publishing. During the mini break, I also dissected these morsels of wisdom from my beautiful country, Nigeria:

1. You can marry a man who is already married and have a church marry the two of you.

2. You can pay your hard earned cash in tithes to a church and not care what they do with it.***

3. As president of a country with worrying activities of suicide bombers and terrorist killings of innocent people, you can seek to reassure citizens by telling them that theirs is not the only country where this has happened.

Boy, my knife is really sharp. It cuts real good too. How well did you digest or dissect?

I wish to introduce you to my friend, Divaose. She is a friend of mine going back to our student days at Unibadan. She is an aspiring writer and poet and also one of the S7 club talked about here. Please welcome her to Blogville, show her some love. Welcome, Divaose!

***The comments on that post.

Respect: Misha Byran X Factor UK Audition 2011

2011-08-28T19:05:00.000+01:00

19 year old Misha Bryan is certainly one to look out for in this series of the X Factor. She gave the judges something to sing about in her unique rendition of Aretha Franklin's Respect on the show aired yesterday. Check her out yourself!

'Still on my mini break which should be over soon. I promise to make it up to you guys with lots of blog rounds:D

Who is the Star of this Show?

2011-08-25T00:31:00.000+01:00

Need I ask? She lights up my face with a smile.

*Attitude = Altitude

Just an Illusion

2011-08-21T15:21:00.003+01:00

Yemi, a friend of mine - took me down memory lane today. I haven't stop dancing since. The videos below are both Just an Illusion from 80's UK band - Imagination. It's a favourite tune from that era. Quite an era cos when I have the occasional bad back, I remember those naija DJs and the remixes they did with this song. Like Yemi said, komoles do take their toll. Enjoy.

BTW, I'm still on my break but I'll see you guys soon. Takia.

Is Social Media Addictive?

2011-08-05T11:25:00.000+01:00

This is one for us all to ponder over. If you happen to be reading this, it is definitely a question you should answer, hehehe. I was listening to the Vanessa show (a phone-in chat show on BBC London Radio) the other day and this was one of the topics of discussion. Recent research shows that less people are watching TV - preferring the interactive and feedback elements of social media such as blogging, facebook and twitter. One point that stuck with me about the addictiveness of social media is that the 'feedback element' makes it addictive. The addiction to social media apparently makes some of us commit the worst faux pas in the history of manners.

1. You invite your friend over for lunch and they ignore you the whole time while they play a game on their i-phone, chat on facebook or constantly text and pick up incoming calls on their mobile.

2. You are at the cinema watching the latest movie while someone in the audience is busy texting away and the reflective light from the phone is distracting you and others in the dark cinema room. One such texter was texting his mum to tell her that he and his date were enjoying the film!

3. Picture the recent saga of Nigerian politicians said to have been poisoned by carbon monoxide. Pictures of them unconscious were circulating the internet soon after they were found.

I also wonder about the facebookers and twitterers who always seem to be online 24/7. When do they sleep? If you're a blogger, do you find blogging addictive? Do you, like me feel a responsibility or an itch to post every so often? The question is: do we control technology or does technology control us in today's world? When does social media/networking become an unhealthy pastime? Are we replacing human relationships with our computers and smart phones?

And on that note I wish to announce a break in transmission. I'll be away from here for a few weeks. But I'll reply to comments. Enjoy the rest of the summer, people. If you dey Naija, make una no spend too much time indoors using the excuse of rain. We can all guess what you've been up to;-)

High Commendation*...Life is What It Is

2011-07-31T09:31:00.003+01:00

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Life is what it is and none of us is perfect. I've been reflecting on that in the past week. So what's the story of my life so far? My life is about living, learning and growing. I learn and evolve all the time. My life is by no means perfect in any way. Whatever 'perfect' is, I'm not it. And God, am I glad! If I had to plan every bit of my life conscientiously, where would I be? What would I have learnt from living like that? One can have the best plans in the world, work towards them and achieve great things, perhaps. But it does not mean one is better than those who grab life by the horns and live every minute. In my experience, the most tenacious and well adjusted people are those who indeed make the most out of what hand life 'deals' them. Let us remember that life can 'deal' anyone the worst of hands despite the best of plans. Life turns.

I've navigated a variety of pathways in my life. I believe I'm all the better for it mainly due to the fact that I've been willing to take risks. I do not believe in doing a job for the prestige it attracts to my status. I love to work with my heart as well as my head. If my heart is no longer in it, my creativity and resourcefulness may well ground to a halt. And so I find myself evolving again and I'm loving it. I will evolve, learn and evolve until the day that I breathe my last. I highly recommend it.

*Four Corners, my entry for the July 2011 (Poetry) competition of Sentinel Literary Quarterly - won in the "high commendation" category. Thanks to all readers and commenters who encouraged and supported me with their feedback on my poems.

Egbecious*

2011-07-29T00:40:00.001+01:00

EGBECIOUS

There is this woman who insists on forming every time she speaks to Monsieur Strong and myself. She usually starts to say something that she considers to be really important, in Yoruba. Then she would insert some wowo english like that - presumably - to 'tush' the Yoruba. The outcome of all this is that something strange and incoherent tumbles out of her mouth. We just end up nodding politely and smiling a little here and there. When we bump into her (which happens quite often), I occasionally pretend we're in a hurry and just keep walking.

I just don't get it. Is it a crime to speak in your native tongue, particularly when your grasp of the english language isn't that good? Monsieur Strong thinks it is amusing. It is obvious that she fancies him and she is older than him (I call him her toy boy - he doesn't find that bit amusing)! When she's speaking to me, she does not do her act. But she gets in full flow when she's speaking to MS on her own or when we're together. I don tire for her drama. Initially it was funny. Now it isn't so amusing. Any tips on how to avoid this lady's egbecious behaviour? Bless her but it is time wasting and she is getting on my ~~freaking~~ last nerve.

*Egbecious* - Nigerian (anglocised Yoruba) slang for a person or behaviour that is annoying, irritating, or without class or taste.

Exotic Simplicity: An Interview With L.Chantay

2011-07-25T18:55:00.001+01:00

Some bloggers and readers would know her by her blog moniker: Queen of My Castle. Her blog was a delight to read back in the day and it still is. Exotic Simplicity is her first book. It is a book composed of prosetry that touches on life, love, relationships, sex and spirituality. I had the opportunity to read Exotic Simplicity and I interviewed her recently. My questions are in black and the author's answers are in purple.

Author of Exotic Simplicity: L Chantay

Please give us a brief bio of yourself

I was born in September, 1981 in Houston, TX to Keith and Michelle Nunn. I have lived here my entire life and have one sibling, a younger sister. I attended public school and briefly studied Business Admin in college, but did not complete my degree. In the summer of 2000 I gave birth to my first son. I later went on to marry his father in February of 2004. Later that year I gave birth to my second son. In November 2008 my then husband and I divorced, and Exotic Simplicity began to unfurl as a means of healing.

1. 1. Have you always wanted to be an author?

Actually I wanted to be a pediatrician when I was about 18 years of age. I changed my mind and wanted to venture into sports medicine though I am not a sports fan. I changed my mind again and later wanted to be a boutique owner. Now I am a production planner for an oil and gas company. LOL.

2. 2. Three words that describe you? Sensual, free-spirited, and honest.

3. 3. What is the story behind ‘Exotic Simplicity’(Is Exotic Simplicity autobiographical in any way?)*

E Exotic Simplicity is very much autobiographical. It was written two years after the demise of my marriage. It reflects every woman I have been...divorced, married, single mother, hurt, lover, in love, spiritual, and ever evolving. Every prose/poem was inspired by a true event that occurred in my life.

4. 4. How would you describe the collection, Exotic Simplicity (the sections and themes)?

I I would describe it as honest, sensual, and meditative. Cashmere Kisses was written with thoughts of pure innocent love in mind. Cashmere is very soft, comforting, and luxurious. The second chapter is entitled Lacy Liaisons, which, in my mind, represents relationships of all kinds. I chose lace because it is a most beautiful delicately woven fabric that must be properly cared for, for it is very easily ripped and torn if not. That is how I view interpersonal relationships. They can be beautiful or haggard and awful if not properly taken care of. Liaison, of course, means contact of communication. Comfort of Cotton was written with self-love in mind, being comfortable in your own skin. I wanted women to be free to be whom and what they are with no apologies. Silken Sensuality is rather self explanatory. It’s all things sensual. LOL. The book ends with the chapter entitled Sapphires. Sapphires are gems used to invoke clarity, thus this chapter is centered on spirituality, not to mention that sapphire happens to be my birthstone. The book title itself is what I consider myself as a whole, exotic simplicity. I am very simple and unassuming in nature yet somewhat of a hedonistic, free-love loving, curious, and ever pondering woman that likes to evoke inspiration and unconventional thought. I consider myself to be an oxymoron of a woman.

5. 5. Some pieces in Exotic Simplicity make my heart ache for the woman whose story it is and it just feels too real for it not to be a personal story. ‘Unreciprocated Love’: the heartfelt account of a woman who catches her husband’s lover in her son’s closet in their matrimonial home and then the lover goes off to the garage with the woman’s husband to sip latte with his brothers like nothing happened –Did that happen for real?*

Y Yes, that is the true account of the last time I ever stepped foot into the home I once shared with my ex-husband. I even have witnesses to prove the story’s authenticity.

I 6. Wow! I had to go back and read ‘Unreciprocated Love’ several times. (No words can describe how I felt, though I was not 100% sure it was you at the time I was reading). Describe what was going through your mind when you wrote ‘Unreciprocated Love’ - how did it feel to get it all out?*

It It was a relief to get it out. I didn’t write it to have my side of the story told; I wrote as a means of healing. Rage, hurt, resentment, and anger were flowing through my veins as I recounted the details of that day, but by the time I reached the end of the story I had calmed completely down. I am a believer that things happen the way they are supposed to, with or without our permission.

ov
7. I love so many things about Exotic Simplicity. So many pieces speak to me. Three words to describe Exotic Simplicity? Intoxicating, sobering, and real.

8. 8. Are you working on another book? Yes, I am actually. The next book will be a novel that touches on the surreal accounts of a woman that is married to a man that possesses many demons all in the name of trying to right the wrong of having a baby out of wedlock.

7.
9. When I read ‘My Drug’, I screamed out loud. My teenage son ran down the stairs to see what it was all about. And of course I could not speak, confess as to the cause of my um…excitement. What was the inspiration for ‘My Drug’?

O Oh my, I do believe I am blushing now. The inspiration for ‘My Drug’ was my own insatiable desire to be indulged. I love being a woman, and I enjoy being with a lover that loves to please me. I won’t say much more than that. LOL.

8.
10. Why should readers pick up Exotic Simplicity and where can they get it? Readers should pick up Exotic Simplicity because it allows women the ability to feel like the sexy, free, strong, intelligent beings they are, and it gives men a slight glimpse into our minds. Exotic Simplicity is available at www.Amazon.com as well as www.BarnesandNoble.com. Thank you so much for the opportunity to share my work with you and reveal some of the hidden workings that went into creating Exotic Simplicity.

TThanks for sharing Exotic Simplicity with me and for the interview. It was a pleasure to read you.

*At the time of asking Ms Chantay the questions, I was not sure (though I thought it might be) that Exotic Simplicity was autobiographical. Her answers to the questions confirmed that it was.

Food is Ready: Goat Meat Peppersoup

2011-07-16T17:37:00.000+01:00

If there is anything I actually know something about, it is food, lol - The food I love to eat. From today I promise to bring something from my crazy world of food at least once a month. The series as named above is 'food is ready.' I'll do my best to post ingredients used but I'm not so hot on measurements. I cook mainly by feeling my way through the process but find a spoon of common sense and a pinch of imagination often helps:-)

Our Culinary impressario in blogville - the lovely 9jaFOODie does a great job bringing us beautiful mouthwatering recipes - and hats off to her in this regard. This post is actually inspired by her. I take photos of my food occasionally just before I descend and conquer, so I have quite a collection on my mobile phone. I mentioned it on her blog recently and she encouraged me to start posting them. Congrats dear, for winning the nigerian blog award in the food category. It is well deserved. As per the recipe for this, 9jaFOODie has saved me the trouble of having to post details. Check out her recipe here. The main differences are that this is only goat meat, I use fresh green and red chillies in place of dried chilli powder (and add a tiny portion of dried bitter leaf which is blanched in hot water). The other addition is cucumber and tomato slices used to garnish the dish. It helps to cool the ~~palate~~ mouth after eating, makes it a more nutritionally balanced meal and it aids digestion of the animal fat in the meat. - But this is optional. I find the fat in peppersoup quite a worry, so a tip for reduced fat is to let the peppersoup cool off completely then trim the fat off the top before you reheat and serve. Bon appetit - happy eating- chop beleful:-)

On Writing Simply

2011-07-10T14:43:00.003+01:00

Yo... S...i m p l y

A blog post caught my attention and on reading the intro, I actually thought it might be interesting. They had me in the first paragraph and lost me in the second. Reason? Hopefully not as obscure as the writer's apparent grasp on 'sophisticated thought'. 'Sophisticated thought syndrome' (STS) is what I dub any piece of writing that forces me to decode boring hish-hash of academic bull*hit. As someone who's been round the block a few times - with two degrees and a masters, academic texts do not intimidate me. I just know where to go when I want to read them. I do not wish to read them on a non-academic blog or in a newspaper. There is a time and a place for everything.

I have to say that in my experience, African writers who want to give the rest of us unsolicited headaches are the usual ~~suspects~~ culprits more often than not. Their obvious mastery of knowledge and diction would have you looking for a dictionary faster than you would want to swallow a piece of tasty suya. It is quite sad as in most cases, there is something very important being said; but it is lost in the STS. In this case, the writer lost one reader and no doubt many others. My writing mantra is very simple: if I want to reach as many readers as possible, I must be clear. If I want readers to decode, I will make it sarcastic or cryptic purely for the fun of it and nothing more. Respect thy audience and know thy medium. Masturbation writing* is a total no-no on a public blog.

*'Masturbatory Writing' is Writing for Yourself Only - a.k.a. stroking your writer's genius

Luther & Sunshine

2011-07-08T14:26:00.002+01:00

It's the season of sunshine and I'm grateful to my blog sistas - Myne Whitman, Naija Mum in London, Ibhade and @iLola for nominating this blog for the sunshine it brings them. You know you bring me plenty of sunshine too, thank you! This post is dedicated to you and all my blog fam - you lovely bloggers and readers out there. If you're on my blogroll here or on 'Adura Ojo Presents', please spread the cheer of sunshine to your favourite blogs if you haven't yet done so.

It's so cold, wet and grey today. I miss Naija. I miss Turkey. I miss all things warm. Let me rephrase that...I miss warm climes. Talking about sunshine, no one brings it better than Luther, aka Idris Elba. Idris is a British actor - born and raised in the UK, the only child of a Sierra Leonian father and a Ghanian mum. He has starred in films and TV shows in both the UK and USA. He starred in The Wire, The Office, Tyler Perry's Dad's Little Girls, Takers, American Gangster and many others. I am sooo loving this man in Luther - The Police Detective series currently running on BBC 1 (and also showing on BBC America). Idris plays the lead character - Detective John Luther. It's like the best and classiest detective series ever and Idris leads the cast brilliantly. Idris is also a hip-hop DJ and he loves the sistas. Check him out below appreciating us sistas. What do you think of what he says about Black women? Enjoy...and girls,....he's single.

I Want to Give You Water

2011-06-28T17:56:00.000+01:00

Source

We all love to use slangs, euphemisms and the like. But what happens when our 'preferred speak' renders someone else speechless. A few years ago a friend of Monsieur Strong's came visiting. As he made his way in, he said in Yoruba: mo fe fun yin l'omi (I want to give you water). Yours truly perked up innocently, thinking I was being polite: "Aaah Daddy Kemi, e ma worry, a wa ok." (Kemi's dad - don't worry, we are fine). In my head I'm thinking "what's wrong with this man, does he think he's in Nigeria that he has to 'gift' us with water?" My embarrassed husband took me to the side and whispered in my ear: "he wants to go to the loo!" 'Oh...' I said, frozen to the spot as I struggled to think of something to say while MS showed him the loo. Why is it that people can't just say what they mean? Since when did going to the loo translate as "I want to give you water?" Yorubas are particularly fond of the saying-one-thing-and-meaning-another-speak, lol. And it's fun when you're in the know but when you're not, you come off looking like the village idiot.

Imagine we were in Nigeria - with Baba Kemi and his 'preferred speak' - and a water tanker happened to be in front of the house? I would have been thanking him profusely for his kindness. Hmmm...

"No more free milk...it's time to buy the cow!"

2011-06-21T14:48:00.000+01:00

That's how a young lady proposed to her man. I think it's both sassy and funny. Seventeen years later, they are still happily married. So...Ladies, would you propose to a man? If you could, how would you do it? Apparently, the trend these days is to do it big at a posh landmark like the Eiffel Tower or a beautiful beach on some island off the Pacific. If you would rather be proposed to, how would you want it?

One British lady spent £75,000 on her wedding only to get divorced a few years later. I kid you not. Hmmm...only one thought - If it's no more free milk, why was this lady paying? I will share with you some lines from one of my favourite blogs: "A man does not know a woman’s value...She is the one who determines her value. The higher you price yourself, the more he will realize what you are really worth".* Hope y'all are good at determining your value.

We're almost in the middle of the week already. Have a good one.

*"No more free milk" quote: From The Wright Stuff - A 'behind the news' discussion TV show on UK's Channel Five.
*A Woman's value: Paraphrasing Amymckie's quote from page 58 of Woman at Point Zero by Nawal El Saadawi in her review of the book on her blog: Amy Reads.
*image source: Facebook

Meandering...Rant...What's in my bag?

2011-06-15T01:03:00.001+01:00

It's meandering cos I'm just going to keep ~~talking~~ writing until I run out of things to say. I had quite a lot to say but it's gone now! I write a juicy post in my head and it flows nicely until I hit the keys. Then it's zoom. Gone.
Does that ever happen to you? I'll keep writing. I've actually got the flu at the moment. My head feels like ten heads on my rather painful neck and the back of my throat feels like sand paper is being rubbed against it. Hold on...My ears are ringing. People should stop calling my name or talking about me oooo. Lool. Yes I know it's the sore throat jare. Moving on...Before I move on, I'm getting irritated by these long nails of mine which I had done for Tomtom's Bday recently. I don't know who sent me o. No kuku be my birthday. But I thought I'd make the effort cos I didn't want those parents to take one look at my hmm...words fail me fingers and crustily suspicious feet and head for the door through which they just came in. Not had my nails done in ages. And now I've had them done, I'll have to keep 'topping up' with a refill until I can have them taken off. Whoever came up with that jazz is really clever sha. It's no good with typing and it's driving me nuts. Ah...wait o! Just saw (what was supposed to be) a kinky sex scene in a Nollywood film. She threw him on the bed, took off his belt and (unconvincingly) whipped him with it. Next scene: bed sheet up to their chins, while in bed. Classic Nollywood. Lool. Ehen, my bag...Are you ready? Some imagination is needed for this one. You know me now. Na Sisi Yemmie send me on this bag meme. Thanks o, sista:)

Bag and shoes while on a beach in Turkey

The bag was purchased from Brantano. It only cost about £10 but it has served me well in the last three years. I have lots of bags but I take this one everywhere because it's black, takes a lot of stuff and it's easy to carry around. It shows no signs of retiring anytime soon. Shows you don't always have to spend a fortune on a durable product.

In my bag:
1. Voice of America by E.C. Osondu. (Just finished reading it but I'm still carrying it around. Why? I don't know. I suppose I'm waiting for the chance to review and quote from it if necessary). Plus I enjoyed reading it and love the beautiful cover.
2. Flash Drive A (This was given to me quite a few years ago. It's silver, the shape of a short fat pen, high spec, has lots of memory space. I've not seen anything like it anywhere else. It's for my professional stuff.
3. Flash Drive B (Got this from a stationery store). I don't like it as much cos it's quite common. It's for my personal stuff so hardly anyone sees it.
4. Fabric Purse A: holds my beautyware - lipgloss, lipstick, M&S CB/Vanilla handcream, Mac powder, floss, gum.
5. Fabric Purse B: holds 'official stuff' - cards, keys, ID and above flashdrives.

6. Two rotten teeth in a transparent envelope thingy. I've been carrying them around as souvenirs since I had two of my back teeth taken out a few weeks ago. Lookswise, they're the complete oppostite of the ones in this pic. I like using them to flog off flies...a.k.a unwanted attention. It's good for shock value when some idiot stares at you on the train and you get them out...Trust me, the stares would go in the opposite direction.
7. Tissues in a pack.
8. Leather Purse (Sergio Tacchini) I've been using this purse for what seems like ten years or more. I can't even remember where I bought it. It's that far back. Still, It looks like I just got it yesterday. I bought a new (Gucci) one in Turkey for a very good price. Yet to change over.
9. Diary
10. Jotter
11. Mobile Phone

Ok, so what's in your bag? Care to share the skeletons or the rotten teeth;-)

Between a Third Leg and a Camera

2011-06-10T18:39:00.001+01:00

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Just ~~touching base~~ catching up with you guys and letting out a few observations.

1. Who says "touching base"? Is it in the same eeeww box as 'swallow'?

2. That Bhoke and Ernest thang on Big Brother Amplified get as e be o. I replayed the clip over and over again out of disbelief. Two did the deed but we know who's going to get burned. There are no feminist points to score here.

3. If you find yourself facing a third leg and a camera, time to shine your eye and run with your two legs.

4. I still can't believe it happened. Did you watch them in a conversation the day after? Ernest justified his taking advantage of her ~~drunkenness~~ stupidity, challenged her to deny she didn't 'want it' and even kissed her to drive home his point. Eeeww.

Published!

2011-06-05T18:32:00.000+01:00

Several weeks ago, I decided to send some of my poems (originally posted on this blog) to Sentinel Nigeria - an online magazine of contemporary Nigerian Writing. I've always admired the content and quality of their work and the writers whose works are showcased in the magazine. I've been published before - I did a freelance stint as a columnist with the Sunday Independent some years ago. This latest outing gives me a special buzz - it's the first time I've sent my poetry out for consideration and it was published. I've been considering a poetry project for while, so I guess I should get on with it. Thanks to all readers and commenters who have encouraged me with their feedback. Ire akari o.*

You can read my poems in the current (May - July 2011) issue of Sentinel, here. Check out some beautiful work from other writers too. Enjoy.

*Yoruba: "May the joy get (a)round"

25 Questions

2011-05-24T16:27:00.000+01:00

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1. Do you have any pets?
No! Though Tomtom might bully us into having one.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.
Laptop, empty plate, glass of 'applelade' (a homemade mixture of apple juice and lemonade).

3. What's the weather like right now?
Sunny but not that warm.

4.Do you drive? If so have you crashed?
I don't drive, have never driven - specifically cos I'm afraid of crashing. Dates back to a childhood incident.

5. What time did you wake up this morning?
7am (Though I do tend to wake up earlier in the summer).

6. When was the last time you showered?
This morning. I would so like to say last week, just to imagine your shocked looks, lol.

7. What was the last movie you saw?
Black Swan. Phew! Portman deserved that Oscar.

8. What does your last text message say?
"Pizza Delivery: Buy one stuffed crust pizza, get one free". That particular takeaway does cr*p pizzas like you wouldn't believe. I would love to stuff their faces!

9. What's your ringtone?
A track from Asa's second album.

10. Have you ever been to a different country?
Yes: Benin Republic, Canada, Egypt, France, Holland, Turkey, USA.

11. Do you like sushi?
I love sushi. I would like to visit Japan at some point.

12. Where do you buy your groceries?
Wherever there are great bargains. Seriously, food is so expensive these days.

Source

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?
No. If I'm tired, I will sleep.

14. How many siblings do you have?
Four.

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Laptop.

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Which kain question be dat?

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
Thankfully, my eyesight is pretty good. I see things people don't see, sef.

18. Do you color your hair?
Erm...which hair are we talking about...?

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.
Paperwork, work, update my blogs.

20. When was the last time you cried?
Seriously can't remember but that is not because it rarely happens.

21. What is your perfect pizza topping?
Pepperoni, olives and mushroom.

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?
Nothing beats a McDonalds double cheeseburger, lol.

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?
Yes! I'm a night owl.

24. What is your eye color?
Brown.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?
Sure can! Coke is king. Diet pepsi/pepsi zero taste better than diet coke/coke zero, though.

Pics FromTurkey

2011-05-20T15:48:00.001+01:00

Ore and I on the boat trip to Turunç - A village market where everything is sold from handmade to 'designer' goods. In case you don't know, Turkey was described by the holiday rep as the land of 'real fakes'. I think I even saw a billboard to that effect. But don't quote me, lol. Got my designer sunglasses from a local shop in Marmaris which has a 'bazaar' - a huge block of market stalls selling all manner of fancy wears, bags and shoes for both genders. You could be in there for hours. Get ready to haggle. Slash any offers down to a quarter of the price and start negotiations from there. At least haggling is something I know how to do. Generally I never buy an article for more than half of the asking price. Ore watched my haggling skills in awe, lol.

Jeep Safari into the mountains and surrounding villages around Marmaris. Took the whole day with lunch and breaks at beautiful spots at beaches, as villages in the mountains. There were water gun fights with travellers in the other two jeeps in our 'convoy'. The trip is designed around this game of water combat. You are 'intimidated' into buying the water guns too! And the way it is done - hats off to the Turks for knowing how to take your money! You have to experience it to know what that is like.

Ha! - Empty 'war tanks'. Taking pics and reviewing combat strategies, no doubt!

Ore on the balcony of our apartment

This rock formation looks like a crocodile or a dinosaur...love it. Taken in the mountains, on Jeep safari.

The streets of Marmaris, near our apartment. There is a restaurant and a hotel in every building you can see! The Turks are a friendly lot but it can get a bit tiring when they shout at you in the street to come eat at their restaurant and this happened everyday. Those structures you can see on the roof are solar panels. Practically every building in Marmaris has them. Turkey apparently gets its energy in that part of the country from solar energy - the region of Dalaman gets sunshine 9 months of the year. Any possibility the Nigerian government could invest in solar energy? As I understand it, the outlay is not cheap but it would certainly solve our 'electricity issues' and it is cheaper in the long term.

Ah...The beautiful beach whale has got nothing on me;)

*Enlarge by clicking on pics, for a better view.

Dreams and Merhaba from Turkey!

2011-05-15T16:06:00.001+01:00

Spent a whole week eating delicious Turkish breakfast, lunch and dinner and...guess what? While writing this post I suddenly realised I couldn't say 'hello' in Turkish. I had to google it! *(Hides face in shame)*. We were all meant to go but as it turned out, only Ore and myself made the trip. It was fab. Still trying to get used to Old Blighty in the last 24 hours. I'm pretending I'm still in Marmaris, Turkey. I have no idea what the rest of Turkey is like but the region of Dalaman - and the resort town of Mamaris to be specific - is stunning. So beautiful. Ore and I took so many pictures - possibly about 400 between us. I'll put a few up soon.

I had quite a few strange dreams in Turkey. Dreamt more dreams than usual. One was nicely weird and I didn't want it to end *(mischievous grin)* One had me praying soon after. Ore said he dreamed more too. Then he asked me if I'd noticed that people's mouths do not move in dreams. "Ah, never thought of it", I said. It is true though. Mouths do not move in my dreams even in the naughty ones. The trend of strange dreams has followed me back from Marmaris. I noted one down on paper this morning so I wouldn't forget it.

In my dream last night, I had a new born baby. Ahhhhh! Does that mean I have an unborn baby in the spirit world? If that is so, it had better be symbolic of new beginnings etc. Or else that baby needs to find another mama. I'm certainly done with human babies.

Another weird thing about my dreams is that I am usually single. Makes life interesting in the land of dreams like the lame date in my second dream last night. He invited me to his house for a meal and suggested we watch a movie from sky* box office. Then he called the satellite channel and asked them if he needed to pay for two people!

Having a break from it all was great but it's nice to be back.
Pics and stories from Marmaris coming up.

*Sky is a satellite channel in the UK. Recent films can be requested from their box office and paid for just like you would at a video club.

Push Her! The Talents of Gina Yashere

2011-05-03T00:00:00.000+01:00

Gina Yashere is one of my favourite British comediennes. She is actually British Nigerian. 'Watched her tonight on youtube. I miss her as she has not been on TV for a while. Enjoy the clips below. The Naija parent is out of this world and Tanya is your classic Black British ghetto girl.

In My Head (4)

2011-04-29T22:57:00.001+01:00

Trump this *ss!

1. The WK wedding has come and gone. Now leave them alone!
2. I kinda understand the British - the face of diplomacy does not get any slipperier.
3. But Americans? Na. Don't understand 'method to the madness of some of them. Some of the cringiest moments this week in the American media make me think diplomacy is an intelligent gene not in the DNA of some. That's why they need their *ss trumped.
4. So when racism invites you to dinner and serves the first course and you make him choke on processed timber of the main course, there is absolutely no need for dessert. Tell him to shove it if he hasn't choked yet. How about that for dessert?
5. American Idol...now that's a joke. Pia got voted out??? Other not so 'American sugar pie' contestants got voted out too. Judges openly declared favourites and with their body language cried for the blood of those they deemed not worthy of the crown. I cringed tonight when I saw Jennifer Lopez lower her gaze at the judges desk in disappointment because Jacob Lusk got through to the next round. No method to the madness - Or is there?

Breaking News: NYSC Rethink Imminent

2011-04-27T00:32:00.002+01:00

It is certainly a good thing when one wishes for good news and it walks in on one's heels. I had just finished replying to readers comments on the last post when the news came in. The deputy president of the Nigerian senate Ike Ekweremadu has called for a review of NYSC's policies. The review if carried out, would 'give prospective corps members the opportunity to serve the country from their respective geo-political zones of origin'. For more on the story, see here and here.

It is very encouraging indeed to see prompt action being taken. One can only hope that this is a sign of better things to come in the new govenment - a turn in the tide - of listening to the voice of the Nigerian people and hearing it. Let's watch this space.

On Nigeria's Regional Murders and the NYSC

2011-04-24T12:12:00.003+01:00

In the wake of murders of young corpers serving in northern Nigeria, I am sad. I am sad that nothing has changed in over twenty years. The truth is that the killing of christians and southerners in that part of the country is nothing new. Every so often, there would be an uprising - such that when the time came for my elder sister and I to do our NYSC, my dad was firmly against us serving in the north. The same reason he did not allow us to go to university up north either. I served in Lagos because frankly I could not deal with the uncertainty of just being posted anywhere. I say this with no arrogance whatsoever. I was simply concerned about my safety. Still, it was pretty rare to hear of corpers back then that did not make it to the end of their service because they got killed. That was over two decades ago. Now young people have lost their lives because they were seen as the enemy, as crazy and as senseless as that sounds - they were killed because they are from one region of the country and not the other. In any society, the mark of advancement is that things get better, not worse. So what has been learnt in two decades? The ethnic and religious divisions in Nigeria are worsening. That is the lesson learnt.

Now, how do we apply this lesson to the NYSC experience? Rather than have young people like Obinna Okpokiri and Ukeoma Ikechukwu murdered by divisive elements, should the NYSC rethink its policy and let corpers serve within their own regions or is it time to scrap the NYSC completely? Why should young people die for national service when they are not soldiers? One thing is clear. This slaughtering cannot be allowed to continue. It is ironic that a scheme introduced as part of a strategy to educate our youth and foster national unity has been hijacked in a senseless 'regional' killing rampage. May Okpokiri, Ikechukwu and others who lost their lives rest in peace.

The BreastFeeding Saga

2011-04-23T01:52:00.000+01:00

I don't read newspapers that often. I usually get my news online or on TV. Mr Strong brought the Mirror* home yesterday so I decided to have a peek. Well, I wanted a peek but got an eyeful. Actually I think it's more an earful. Ok the jury is still out on that one but picture this:

A long suffering sister- in-law wrote to the Mirror's agony aunt. She wanted some advice about her brother's wife who was still breastfeeding her 13 year old son and his brother. The 13-year old was a target of bullies at school, his school bag got stuffed with nappies - word got round, obviously. Mother refused to stop. In fact, she continued breastfeeding in front of the extended family. Sis-in-law bumped into another breastfeeding session recently. This time it was her brother (father of said boy) getting a treat. Ms Breast laughed and said it was good for his cold. Advise please.

*The Mirror is a UK tabloid.

Mr Strong is Annoying Me

2011-04-20T23:05:00.000+01:00

I'm seriously beefing Monsieur Strong. Reason for my beef? For the last three years, he's woken up every day criticising all things British. His favourite script runs like this: 'Germany is great - Nigeria is even better - Old Blighty sucks! Then he just had to go there tonight with the UK in Libya thing. "What are they doing there? Why can't they mind their own business?" To which I replied: "What was Nigeria doing in Liberia? Why couldn't they mind their own business?"

My point: you can't have a one-sided argument just because it suits your prejudices. If you're going to be critical, apply it across the board. Note that he did not criticise the US for going into Libya. So it's definitely a UK thing with him. It's driving me up the wall! We may need some peace keeping initiatives in Strongville. Perhaps it's time I sent word to the Queen, to lend me some of her army.

Just for the record, one-sided arguments irritate the ish out of me.

On Taboos and Writing...Your Help

2011-04-14T11:38:00.001+01:00

As an aspiring author, I find taboo subjects fascinating. I like the idea of going where people would run a mile from. This is in part due to the fact that taboos have that pull. We loathe the idea of it yet we want to know about it, vent on it, huddle up in tight corners and give our two cents in hushed tones. So a story formed itself in my mind earlier this morning and I can't wait to hit the keys on my lappy. In the mean time, I have some questions that I hope you can help me with. The questions I have are these:

1. Names of posh residential streets around Allen Avenue and also GRA in Ikeja, Lagos. Please list some real streets that you know in the area. The streets have to be posh oh, lol.

2. This one is for my Yoruba readers: A rich and traditional Yoruba family who also happen to be Anglican in faith - are having a naming ceremony. Is it realistic to have the family observe the traditional rites of naming the baby on the eighth day and do the presentation of obi, orogbo, honey, palm oil, schnapps, etc... As well as having Christian prayers? (Please note that I am not trying to do 'the right christian thing' here. I'm writing from the point of view of a conservative and traditional 'royal' Yoruba family who also happen to be well known in their local Anglican church).

3. What are the latest fabrics in vogue, in Lagos? I'm talking lace, other fabrics, geles, styles, etc.

I promise to reward your answers with a chapter of the WIP. Soon. I do appreciate your feedback.

In My Head (3)

2011-04-11T13:57:00.000+01:00

Neologism:

The

art

creating new words

1. Why do I keep making up new words?
2. Are new words 'bullets' or 'creative genius'?
3. Or does it depend on how it is perceived?
4. As in 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.
5. Tell that to someone with a sm...
6. It's Monday...!
7. Feeling the panic?
8. So much reading to do
9. Don't like it when I can't use it :(
10. Yeah, I know you got that.

What Else Do You Want To Know Jare?

2011-04-07T03:24:00.000+01:00

In the last week I've felt like a (harmless) snake hibernating and at the same time shedding off skin. I'm no longer anonymous. In one way, it's a relief. Though at times it's like being jacketless on a chilly spring day. And now I'm to shed more skin - (shame it does not convert into weight loss) - by telling you seven things about me. That's what I've been asked to do by Adiya at the corner shop. Thanks sweetie, for the award of 'one lovely blog'.

1. I dislike the nanny state: The type that hands out contraceptives to 12 year olds without the knowledge of their parents, in the name of avoiding teenage pregnancies. UK sucks right now!
2. I am more wary of offending people now than I've ever been. What happened to that fearless young woman?
3. Conversely, I'm not worried about what people think.
4. I like working for myself and from home when I have the choice. I love the freedom.
5. I'm a free spirit. I dislike conventions that encroach on people's right to be individuals.
6. I'm more diplomatic than I've ever been. It's getting easier the older I get.
7. I want to travel the globe with just a handbag.

I give the award to 15 bloggers who have not received it yet. It's always a good thing to give and to receive;)

Giveaway Results and Your Support, Thanks.

2011-04-02T03:33:00.005+01:00

My Pipu,

The competition entries have been assessed, scrutinised, winked at and zapped for remote access codes. The latter of which I'm pleased to say was noticeably absent. In plainspeak, it means the winner romped home with no foul play observed. (Hmmm...don't you just wish the same for forthcoming Nigerian elections? *Sigh*.)

First, I would like to say thank you to all those who took part: Naijamum, Chizy K, Vyvyka, SHE and HoneyDame. There can only be one winner and it is the lovely Naijamum. Three gbosas to her. All entries were witty but Naijamum's had the edge with the extra creativity in weaving all titles in the book list into one heart racing narrative. You can read her entry in the comments here

There are more giveaways at my new blog - Adura Ojo Presents. Feel free to pop over there and answer five questions to win an ebook of Myne Whitman's A Love Rekindled. The questions are to be found in the comments section of the Myne Whitman interview. Three lucky winners get an ebook each. Competition closes on Tuesday 5th April at 10pm (UK time). Results to be posted on Wednesday 6th April.

While we are on the subject of Adura Ojo Presents, I would like to ask fellow bloggers to please add ADURA to their blog roll, so people are aware of it. There are so many ideas popping in my head but I can't float them without your support. ADURA needs Followers on google. Followers = more readers = more authors coming on board = more giveaways and lots of exciting stuff I'd keep under wraps for now. So...you get my drift. Just click on the google link on the blog, in the left hand column. Everyone who follows Adura and/or puts Adura on their blogroll should notify me in the comments section here and I'll do the same for their blog if I have not done so already. See You at Adura's.

PS: Did you know that "Adura Ojo" - (Yoruba) - means "Prayer (of) Rain"? May we have showers of blessings rain upon us. Happy New Month!

Introducing "Adura Ojo Presents"

2011-03-30T23:25:00.002+01:00

It's an exciting time for Nigerian fiction and in fact African fiction. In the last couple of years, I've been bowled over literally by the works of fine Nigerian authors: Chimamanda Adichie, Uwem Akpan, Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani and Lola Shoneyin - to mention just a few. Between them, they lured me back to reading again and regularly too.

As a token of my appreciation for their craft, a new blog is to shoot off in cyberspace on the first of April. The aim is to showcase the best of African fiction as we get to see the person behind the book

Drum roll... I unveil the lady of the house: Her name is Adura Ojo. Her mission is to bring your favourite authors closer to you than twitter, facebook and 'tumbular' ever could. I'm counting on you - my lovely readers - to support this mission and tell your friends about it. Twit her, facebook her, kiss her and hold her close to your bosom. Follow her wherever she goes. Be hers for life and never let go, even when it all goes south.

Make it a date:

Date: 1st April 2011
Venue: http://aduraojo.blogspot.com
Time: When you do not need to sign in to get in.

First Exclusive: A two-part interview with Myne Whitman - Author of A Love Rekindled.
Don't miss it. Thanks for your support.

Update: 1st April - Adura Ojo Presents is now live! Three lucky readers get an ebook of Myne Whitman's A Love Rekindled.

Three and Still Counting: Blog Giveaway Update!

2011-03-26T15:22:00.001+01:00

Hi!
My blog turned three recently. Yay! I did not intend to stay away. Some online connection issues I wouldn't bother wasting our precious time talking about. Anyway I'm here now. Hope I didn't miss much. Hope you missed me a lot. Better say you did or I might disappear again. While I'm trying to sort it out, enjoy 'On the Floor' - Jennifer Lopez.

On the Floor - Jennifer Lopez

Now to the giveaway: It's ON. You guys know I love a bit of wit, so bring it on! The wittiest comment on this post gets the giveaway. The winner gets to choose a book out of the list below. I would like to use this opportunity to say thanks to everyone who reads this blog. And a special thanks to those who also take the time to comment. E se o: ('Thank you' in Yoruba).

The Giveaway List is exclusively Nigerian authors - my latest passion is Nigerian fiction. It's the in-thing - get reading, guys!

1. The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives - Lola Shoneyin
2. A Love Rekindled - Myne Whitman
3. Bitter Leaf - Chioma Okereke
4. Open City - Teju Cole
5. The Thing Around Your Neck/Half of a Yellow Sun/Purple Hibiscus - Chimamanda Adichie*
6. Voice of America - E.C. Osondu
7. Oil on Water - Helon Habila
8. Colour blind - Uzoma Uponi
9. I Do Not Come to You by Chance - Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani
10. Any other work by a Nigerian Writer (Some limitations apply).

*One of the three. I had to list all three...Ms Adichie is that good!

Update: In the interests of fairness, I've decided to leave the competition open to ALL READERS. Some have already registered their displeasure at the competition being restricted to a specific region;) So Myne, don't swallow it and Jaycee please come back to exercise your sharp wit, lol.
I must say I've enjoyed reading Naijamum's entry. It's a tough one to beat. Can you beat her? Competition ends on Friday 1st April at 5pm British/Nigerian time. Winner results to be posted on Monday 4th April. All witticisms commence.

In My Head (2)

2011-03-08T15:26:00.001+01:00

1. Ok, so my birthday celebration ended today. To those that did not wish me happy birthday, I wish you well sha. Hmmm...but if you get the runs today, don't blame me oh.

2. Now that I'm contributory editor at Naija Stories, I will have to behave myself like someone of professional standing should.

3. Consequently, this blog may be lacking in humour or become dry while I figure out how to be a 'good girl' and still be ~~funny~~ witty.

4. 'So happy it is getting nearer to summer. I'm a sun girl which means the fog will clear from my brain and it will work faster than Speedy Gonzales' legs.

5. Summer beckoning also means other parts of my body wake up before 11am. Usually my upper limbs yell alleluia while my legs do a stationary tango - if you can imagine that.

6. I am so high on energy in spring/summer, I only get 4 - 5 hours sleep a day.

7. Let's get it straight, homosexuality has nothing to do with paedophilia. That people are gay does not mean they are paedophiles. A paedophile can be of any sexuality: heterosexual, bisexual or gay.

8. If someone chose to abuse a child, it was their decision, not the devil's. Pray for the child. SUPPORT the child, NOT the abuser.

9. A pastor is human - flesh like you and me. He is not any more specially annointed than the next person. God created us equally, right? This man happened to be in a position where he used his power and authority to abuse vulnerable members of his congregation including an innocent child. According to the bible, God says "where two or more are gathered in my name"...so no one should ever put a pastor on a pedestal. We all have the same gateway to God, but for some reason some people have chosen to elevate pastors to a higher plane. It NEEDS to STOP so we can stop atrocities like this from happening. When you see wrong, hold them accountable. Do not keep quiet! There are allegations that his church knew of the atrocities and kept it quiet for years. It is not right! We must speak out to protect the vulnerable.

10. 'Looking forward to exciting things this summer.

What are you looking forward to?

BTW, this blog is three years old next week. What would you lovely readers like by way of celebration?

A give away competition
Know more about me/Break my anonymity
Something else - tell me in your comments.

Introducing Strip-tee*

2011-03-01T21:21:00.003+01:00

Strip-tee...
Dew on my lips
Eyes blinking, focused on you
Clear as day, dark as night
Mesmerising, strip tease you
Innocent, the beauty of teardrops
Everyday a lottery in your seas
Swallow shallow doubts
Cos' I've got you.

The pic shows not her beauty:(

I call her Strip-tee cos she reminds me of an (innocent) striptease. (Urm...no I''ve never seen one). I've had Strip-tee for about a year. I drink everything out of her - Coffee, soda, water, wine, juices, concoctions not of the supernatural variety. She is always squeaky clean when she's not busy. I do wonder why it's a 'she' and not a 'he'. I think she's feminine anyway. I probably should go back to the store where I got Strip-tee and get a 'clone' just in case she breaks - which is bound to happen eventually. Now I'm worried that there will be no clones of her. What will I do? I can't grow her like a seedling. All mugs break. It's a mug's life! If I get a clone of her - she could have nine lives like a cat or something close to it. What do you think?

By the way, it's someone's birthday this week. Just send her presents all week - that will do. She accepts all presents as long as it starts with a 'v' (versace), 'va' (valentino) or 'a' (Amazon)*. Her birthday is quite unusual as it lasts a week each year (March 1 - 8). She is seven years old this year. Hehehe - figure that one out, guys. Happy New Month to you and happy birthday to her!

*Inspired by Myne Whitman's post about her mug.
*I'm not a designer person. But I would love some books by Nigerian writers of course:)*.

Lulu Does Soulja Boy's "Crank That"

2011-02-26T23:00:00.000+01:00

This is TV gold. Haven't seen anything this cool in ages - Lulu doing the soulja Boy routine for comic relief. Comic relief is a charity initiative promoted by UK celebrities every year to raise millions of pounds for various projects to help disadvantaged people in the UK and in Africa. Lulu (the petite lady in the video) is a lengendary UK singer who started out around the same time as the Beatles. If I'm not mistaken, she may have even started her career a bit earlier. I've always admired Lulu. Can you guess how old she is without googling it? Some seriously good genes there.

Nigerian-British* Comedian Andy Osho also wowed the audience tonight with her performance of Michael Jackson's "Bad". Enjoy.

*I struggle with the right PC terms to use these days.

Yorkie is for Boys!

2011-02-10T22:01:00.003+01:00

Make una come see chocolate gender war for my house o. Ore decided to stake his territory over Yorkie, his favourite chocolate. He was tucking into a bar when I asked him to kindly give another one to his sister, Tomtom. Then he uttered the words that made me laugh for the next half hour: Yorkie’s for boys, mum! Don’t you know? Haven’t you seen the advert? ‘Huh? I replied…Didn’t know it had a chunk of testosterone in it!’ And with that we both collapsed in fits of laughter. Tomtom, unaware of the debate was still crying for some yorkie. She got her wish as some females do… with a bit of emotional blackmail. Though, of course she had every right. But I couldn’t help thinking…underneath the humour of it all… Did I raise a male chauvinist? I cannot bear the thought, being a feminist myself. I’ll tell you why I’m worried: Ore does not like to cook, thinks he doesn’t have to worry because his wife will do the cooking… huh?!!! He’d cook rice, spaghetti, eggs, etc but not elaborate things like Obe ata or efo. He’d prefer his wife to stay home and look after the kids though it’s up to her. But he’d prefer she only works part-time if she has to - while the children are young. I don tire o. I did not even bother to ask him why he should not stay home to look after his kids since he’s got such strong views about how his kids should be looked after!

Why do some parents raise the 'opposite' of what they believe in? A lot of pastors’ errant kids come to mind here. I knew a lot of those when I was in school and later on in Uni. They delighted in going against their parents’ beliefs. I’ve been a working mum most of his life and I’ve always been there for him, taking my leave during school holidays, we get home about the same time on school days and I’m always home at weekends, etc. Besides, I raised Ore to believe that men and women are equal and should be treated equally. Where do his views come from? Are our beliefs pre-determined in our genes or moulded by experience?

Guilty Pleasures

2011-01-24T11:20:00.001+01:00

It gives me great pleasure to receive 'the irresistibly sweet blog' (TISB) award from one of my favourite bloggers: NakedSha.
The rules are that: (1) I mention five guilty pleasures and (2) I nominate three bloggers to receive the award.
I enjoy reading a lot of blogs and in fact do not regularly comment on some of my favourites. So it was quite difficult to short list to three nominees. But rules are rules and Naijalines is not a rule breaker. *Cough*.

Five guilty pleasures? Let's just say that I have many pleasures and I don't feel guilty about any of them.
The ~~printable~~ pleasures I should feel guilty about are:

1. I like working under pressure...brings out the best in me.
2. I love meat...lots of it...delicious.
3. I love a good lie-in. (Hate getting out of bed in the morning).
4. I'm a night owl and can stay up all night reading or writing.
5. I enjoy teasing friends and family for fun.

I nominate:
1. Le Dynamique Professeur (LDP) - A dose of positivity goes a long way in a world full of negativity.
2. Myne Whitman - So creative. From short stories to debate Tuesdays, a breath of fresh air.
3. Sugarking - He keeps it real and he makes me laugh.

Build Up Nigeria

2011-01-20T10:38:00.000+01:00

When an individual comes up with a concept that gets us thinking...
Click and watch on youtube.
I would like to know your thoughts on Reno Omokri's 'Build up Nigeria' project.

Versatile and Stylish, Yay!

2011-01-16T19:57:00.000+01:00

Image: sheffieldirregulars.co.uk

I've been bestowed with two honours: the 'Versatile' and 'Stylish' awards by bloggers Ms Ibhade (aka Nitty Gritty) and Dee! Thank you so much, ladies.

The rules are as follows:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Tell us 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know that they have won.

Seven things about myself without exposing my ~~yansh~~ back door? Ok, erm...that would be difficult, but I'll try my best to keep it under wraps. Not that difficult in this weather.

1. I love food as much as I love eating. I mean seriously...Do you know there are people out there who just love to sniff food and then criticise it. Tufiakwa!

2. I love drinking wine but may have to adopt desperate strategies to make my wine drinking less obvious. My aha moment was last week's visit to our lovely new dentist (am I developing a crush here?) - when I was told that red wine stains teeth. Apparently the red colour is the kiss of death. I'm not as fond of white wine - so I'll either have to live with yellow fever teeth or opt for teeth whitening.

3. I hate exercising! To me, it's like using a plier to pull out teeth. But exercising is soooo healthy! One of the things I'll have to force myself into the habit this year.

4. I am very lazy - so no surprises about my allergy to exercise.

5. I am the world's greatest procrastinator. I've perfected the art of doing things tomorrow. Where is that task list when I need it? I find it it easier to postpone my procrastinating when I've got a list to hand.

6. I never 'lend' out money. I give what I can afford; if I can afford to give anything at that point in time. That way, one is not aggrieved when it is not paid back. Someone gave me this pearl of wisdom years ago and I've stuck to it ever since. I've learnt from other people's experience that lending has the potential to sour even the best of relationships.

7. I daydream as much as I blank out my mind every day. I find it quite healthy not to think about or do anything for at least 30 minutes every day. Daydreaming is an escape out of reality. A blank out is about silencing your mind to rest and recharge itself - a bit like clearing out to make space in your wardrobe.

Ok, end of ~~yansh~~ exposure. Phew!

In no particular order, my Versatile and Stylish awards go to *(Drum roll)*:

1. Naked Sha
2. Jaycee
3. Aloofar
4. Sugarbelly
5. Yoruba Girl Dancing
6. Blogoratti
7. Rethots
8. Lara
9. Ibiluv
10. Prism
11. Doll
12. Ebunola Adenipekun (BOOM!)
13. LG
14. Musco - my lovely aburo
15. YankeeNaija - cool missy.

Off to share the good news. Don't forget to share your thoughts!

Yours as Always,
Naijalines xoxo

The Girl Who Did Not Cry Wolf

2011-01-11T13:25:00.001+01:00

Aesop's fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a well known tale all over the world. Most of us have heard of the shepherd boy who cried "wolf" in countless pranks until the day the wolf really came and no one believed him. The boy who lived to tell tales for so long, died when he finally told the truth. It makes sense. It is understandable, even logical.

It is also perfectly sensible to have 1082 "friends" on facebook, like Simone Back. Simone, a 42 year old charity worker had thought her 1082 friends would hear her call for help when she posted her suicide message on Xmas day:
‘Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye every one.’

She was wrong. They did not hear it. Actually they did. But they chose to do nothing about it. Her "friends" debated the issue. Some taunted her, calling her a liar. Some apparently lived close enough to check up on her, yet they did nothing. Simone was found dead in her flat the next day. What can we take away from this sad story? You don't have to be a friend to respond to a cry of distress. You just need to be a human being reaching out to another. As someone who worked with suicidal people for more than a decade, I can tell you that no one ever cries wolf with their life. It is not attention seeking. When someone tells you they are thinking of taking their life, you must treat it as a serious matter. They are telling you because they need help. They want an end to their feelings of distress, not an end to their life. Contrary to all suicide myths out there, if someone really wants to take their own life; the last thing they would do is tell anyone. Think about it.

What you can do to help a suicidal person:

1. Make sure they are safe, get them immediate support, talk to them.
2. Get them seen by a doctor or mental health professional
3. If the threat is immediate (a suicidal attempt has occurred ) call emergency services.

Happy New Year, Decade

2011-01-01T00:57:00.001+01:00

2010 is out.
2011 is in.
I am thankful for so much.
I am hopeful for plenty.
Lets spare a thought for those that did not make it
Another for the little souls whose lives are just starting, isn't that exciting?
It's the beginning of another decade - another ten years.
I'll drink to that.
Please do too.

Happy New Year - Decade - to you, and you and you.

Ellie Goulding - Your Song

Merry Xmas: Keeping the Joy Sealed with a Smile

2010-12-23T14:47:00.003+01:00

I do like saying 'merry christmas'. But when I write, 'merry xmas' suddenly seems more attractive. I wonder why. I also have over the years gotten a whiff of 'merry xmas' dissidents, some of whom say 'xmas' is anything but 'holy' and only a merry christmas will do. Hmmm. What do you think?

The presents I ordered are all in, including the ones I ordered this week. I'd like to say a big thank you to Royal Mail for their part in making this happen despite the endless 'blessing' of Oyinbo juju snow. I am truly chuffed. On the minus side, I wish our lovely postman would stop delivering our mail next door. One letter turned up at an ungodly hour; it had been opened and sealed back. I was not pleased. I mean...who is so sad in their life that they have time to open someone else's mail. What's with the curiosity? It's not like I'm the designer gear type or the one with the flashy car and personalised reg plate like OMO EKO or OMO IJEBU or PRINCE ABIA. I just don't understand it. It is mildly irritating, to say the least. When we get neighbours' mail mistakenly delivered to our door, we always ensure it is returned to the correct address in pristine condition. But obviously not everyone follows the courtesy rule. Several months ago, a neighbour even dared to open a parcel that was delivered to their care in our absence. I was gobsmacked. The nerve! Why would you sign for its safekeeping and then virtually 'plunder' it?

I am baking a couple of interesting cakes on xmas and boxing day, partly to keep Tom-tom busy and also to enjoy the experience. If it turns out right, I'll probably become addicted. Like I really need another addiction right now. Just got Chimamanda Adichie's "The Thing Around Your Neck" and "Purple Hibiscus" - my xmas presents to myself. Already read one of the stories in 'The Thing' and I have to say on first impressions - it's thumbs up. I'm so bad - I've opened my present and I've not allowed anyone to even see the wrapper around their presents, especially Tomtom. *Giggles*

Merry xmas to everyone, especially to you: my readers and commenters. It won't be the same without you. May you receive your parcel of joy this christmas...sealed with a smile.

Winner Kara Tointon: Strictly Come Dancing 2010

2010-12-19T22:02:00.000+01:00

I'm a die-hard dance fan. I could watch Actress Kara Tointon all day. 'So glad she won. 'Strictly' beat the 'X Factor' hands down, this season. Enjoy Kara's mesmerizing skills below.

Wey Mr Okon?

2010-12-14T13:55:00.001+01:00

Courtesy of Monsieur Strong, you are virtually hearing this from the horse's mouth. Don't say I do not bring you interesting stories.

Once upon a time, a couple of decades ago, ("Is he Methuselah?" I hear you ask) - He could well be, but he is a very strong one. Before I carry on, please ~~enjoy~~ ignore all the double entendres that might creep into your fine thinking process during the telling of this story. As I was saying, a couple of decades ago or what seems like it, my SO was working really hard as an ambitious young man - dilligently going about his duties. His job took him up and down the country to some interesting nooks and crannies including those that many Nigerians would not have known existed, including himself. Unbeknown to him who thought he had definitely seen it all, he would get the opportunity to be called innocent at least this once, since he lost the title years before.

His latest crannie was a lovely hotel in Calabar where he was stopping over for a few days to oversee a special project, one of several projects he was responsible for across the country. Calabar, he'd heard, is the land of the lovelies - impeccably attired and sweet looking. It was 10.30pm on the first night of Calabar; when a young lady came knocking.
"Are you Mr Okon?" She asked, smiling sweetly.
Dozily, he rubbed his eyes. "No, I'm not."
On the second night of Calabar, a curvier and bubblier babe arrived at his door.
"Are you Mr Okon?" She glanced up at him, giggling and adjusting her low cut blouse.
"No, I am not Mr Okon. Are you sure you've got the correct room number?".
It's 10pm and he's trying to get some sleep. This Mr Okon must be a rat, giving girls the run around.
On the third night of Calabar, a less-is-more lass confronted his gaze following three knocks on his door. It was a quarter to Eleven. Before she said anything, he was quick to the mark.
"There is no Mr Okon here. When you see him, tell him to give you the correct room number, ok?"
Ms Less-is-More had a look of confusion on her face as she reluctantly walked down the corridor.

Next day during the lunch break, he shared his frustration with his work colleague.
"Do you know...since I've been in Calabar, I've not had one night of uninterrrupted sleep. There is this Mr Okon character running around giving girls my hotel room number."
"Ah"...replied his friend. "Don't you know? You are Mr Okon. So you haven't yet sampled the delights of Calabar then?"
"What? You've got to be joking!"

.................................................................................................

"So you didn't whip them with your *kondo*, Mr Okon?" I say, rolling on the floor - laughing.
"Naijalines, honestly I had no idea! This Okon's kondo does not wander into perilous territory. *Ta lo fe ko jombe?"*

I'm still laughing.

*Kondo* is Nigerian slang for any truncheon type implement:)
*Yoruba: "Who wants an STD?" (jombe is slang for sexually transmitted disease)

The High Five Tag

2010-12-08T22:16:00.000+01:00

So I’ve been tagged by the lovely Myne Whitman. Memes used to be all the rage in Blogville. It’s good to do one occasionally so we get to know ourselves that little bit more. I’ve named this particular one “The High Five Tag”.

Five Famous people I’d like to meet (#1 and #5 are deceased.)

1. 1. Tai Solarin (I’m fascinated by people who dedicate their lives to humanity)

2. 2. Chimamanda Adichie (As it’s impossible to get into her mind)

3. 3. Oprah Winfrey (This woman is so cool, she is easily identified just by her first name)

4. 4. Nelson Mandela (Now, that would be a meeting!)

5. 5. Mother Theresa (Same reason as meeting Tai)

Books that have affected me

1 1. Second Class Citizen – Buchi Emecheta (Made me a Feminist.)

2. 2. Half of a Yellow Sun – Chimamanda Adichie (Never experienced so many emotions in just one book. This lady’s storytelling is top notch)

3. 3. Dreams From My Father - Barack Obama (Obama’s bestselling memoir makes it clear: that which you put into a child to help them grow is what matters).

4. 4. Things Fall Apart – Chinua Achebe (Shaped my views on colonialism.)

5. 5. Say You’re One of Them – Uwem Akpan (Filled me with so much rage about our continent, I dreaded reading to the end; but I did.)

Favourite Movies

1. 1. Aiye (Groundbreaking Cinema on African Superstition – by Herbert Ogunde)

2. 2. Pretty Woman (I love the redemptive strand. People often miss the point that the Julia Roberts and Richard Gere characters saved each other.

3. 3. Philadelphia (Poignant and timely HIV/AIDS Courtroom drama – it helped educate a lot of people and change attitudes towards HIV/AIDS sufferers.

4. 4. Slumdog Millionaire (Fine cinema in all its glory and ticks all the boxes – powerful social commentary, feel good factor, fantastic story line, etc.

5. 5. Ray – Superb acting and storytelling, a tale of strength and Survival.

Five Things I Can’t Do Without

1. Good Food

2. Internet

3. TV

4. Music

5. 5. Alone time (If I don’t get my ‘alone’ time, I’m everyone’s nightmare. Lol)

Turn-ons

1. Intelligence/Wit

2. Generosity

3. Humility

4. Integrity

5. Wine

Turn-offs

1. Janus inspired (Two faced) people

2. Tight folks

3. Holier-than-thou

4. Forming

5. Someone who says good morning and I’ve got to check my time just to be sure!

I tag anyone who loves this blog and would love to do 'the high five' meme.

God bless you.

Has X Factor Lost Credibility?

2010-12-05T23:59:00.001+01:00

I cannot believe the travesty that happened tonight. First, the rules seem to change from one week to the next. Judging by previous series over the years, it's always been that three acts go into the final, not four. For some reason four acts have been put through to the final this year, leading to allegations of a fix. I really think the X factor has lost all credibility with all the politics and impromptu rule changing. I see no reason why judges have to exert their influence to put a contestant through. Why can't the audience decide who goes through? Afterall, it's them that will be buying the records. It's time the Xfactor producers started listening to the public and stop messing their viewers around.

The show left a bitter taste in my mouth tonight. Both Cher Lloyd and Mary Bryne should have been eliminated tonight. The viewing public made their choice by putting them in the bottom two. Simon, Cheryl and Dannii chose to put Cher through to the final, regardless. I have never seen such a total disregard for fair process. Given that Cher keeps getting booed on the shows, there's been speculation that she probably got the least votes. If that's the case, it's a slap on the face of those who picked up the phone to vote. I, for one will not be watching the next series unless they change the rules and leave it to the audience to decide. And I'm sure there's a few more people out there thinking the same.

Rebecca Ferguson (1st and 2nd video) is the only reason I'll be watching the final next weekend. Her rendition of "Amazing Grace" blew me away. She's not only got a voice reminiscent of Aretha Franklin, she has got what it takes to make it internationally - like Leona Lewis. I don't think close rival Matt Cardle or boy band One Direction have what it takes to break into the US market, which of course is the one that matters most for commercial success. So many US pop acts sound like Matt and New Direction and do it better. Rebecca's voice is really unique, just like Aretha's. Rebecca could try moving around the stage a bit more, but that would come with time as she becomes more confident. I'm rooting for her. But if she does not win, she will hopefully still get a record deal. It's the very least her talent deserves.

In My Head

2010-12-04T19:38:00.002+01:00

1. Read someone's comments online*. It's overt positivity almost snuffed the life out of my itty bitty weird British side (yes - that bit that's rubbed off on me over the years). I'm guessing that person is not based in the UK. To the average British person, positivity is a syrupy disease. If you suffer from it, do it indoors - rather like snorting coke.

2. I'm brimming with cautious positivity and embracing the contradictions therein. Snorting indoors only, of course.

3. Just had a telephone conversation with a lovely person. Reminded me of how much warmer home is. A Naija stranger with belly laughs - What more could one want on a cold day?

4. Got hold of a lovely name. I'm very particular about names as I believe naming a person, event or thing, comes in the box labelled "all things spiritual."

5. Start as you mean to go on. It starts with what you name it and hopefully continues with blessings in abundance. What did I just say about 'cautious positivity'?

6. Should you always do what is expected of you or what you think is best? Can't always do both without contradictions.

7. Start doing those things you wish to do in the New Year, now! Then there will be no disappointments on a new year resolution.

8. If you live in the West, buy goose this year. Apparently, it's the latest trend. Had duck last year. It was fab. The only place I want to find turkey is in some pot of delicious smoked turkey pepper soup.

9. Any thoughts on a fabulous present for a four year old girl? Really wanna give her something special this year.

10. Any thoughts on what to give a smartass teenager who's at uni? Would love to give him something really special too.

*The comments I read were made by someone on another persons blog.

Someone Needs an Education

2010-11-30T19:52:00.002+01:00

Er...words fail me. Can't even begin to analyse this rant by Radio host Dr Laura Schlessinger. If this woman was based in the UK, her career would most likely be over. Apparently, the rant was aired on a US radio programme in August of this year. Pls watch the tape from beginning to end. It is unreal. Below are some titbits from Schlessinger's rant to a Black listener who called in for advice on her inter-racial marriage:

1. "Can you give me an example of a racist comment? Sometimes (Black) people are hypersensitive."

2. "A lot of (Black) people voted for Obama 'cause it was a Black thing."

3. I told my Black bodyguard: "White men can't jump, I want you on my team".

4. "When Black people say the 'N' word, it's affectionate. When Whites use it, it's not okay? It's very confusing."

5. "It depends on how the ('N' word) is said".

6. "Nigg*r, Nigg*r, Nigg*r!, I'll say it again."
7. "I think you have too much sensitivity and not enough sense of humour."

8. "A word is restricted to race? Got it!"

9. "Don't double N double ACP me!" (A snide reference to the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People - a political organisation that played a crucial role in the civil rights movement).

10. Schlessinger referring to her own use of the 'N' word in her grovelling apology which she made later: "I was attempting to make a philosophical point."

What point is that exactly?

Back Door Virgin

2010-11-23T08:35:00.000+01:00

Have you noticed that hairdressing salons are interesting places? So are barber salons, if a few movies out in recent times are anything to go by. What makes the salon interesting is that it has become the modern equivalent of the therapist's couch. What's even more fascinating is that people use the salon couch freely irrespective of class, race, faith or status. I was made privy to a rather creative use of the salon couch the other day, when two young ladies walked in to have their hair done. Girl A was about 21 and Girl B seemed slightly younger - possibly about 19. It was a salon with largely a Caribbean clientele, the owner is Caribbean also. Soon the girls got talking. Their language of choice happened to be pidgin. I could tell it was Nigerian pidgin, though I had to listen carefully to hear what was being said. They were both sitting down in the waiting area. I was having my hair styled in front of the mirrors, so I had my back to them. Girl B asked Girl A to continue her gist.

Girl B: Ehen continue na.
Girl A: Ah, see me o. Shio! He wan hit am for rear sha.
Girl B: *Hissing*, Eh-en, na wa o.
Girl A: I tell am o. I be virgin. No way dia.
Girl B: Ah-Ah, of course na.
Girl A: The mugu laugh me o. E call me back door virgin, say dat one no count na.
Girl B: He no serious o. If he serious...
Girl A: Na time waster. Stupid alhaji no wan pay... *hissing*
Girl B: Virgin na virgin na. Whether front or back. Omo go feel pain, see flow na.

Apart from pretending the whole time that I could not hear their conversation and having to be careful not to betray myself with the full belly laugh that was threatening to spill out of me, I found myself wondering who was right. The man who says it's only the front door route that counts or the girls who say a virgin is a virgin, irrespective of the location of the undiscovered route. Of course depending on one's answer, there could be many undiscovered virgins out there more than was previously thought. Please spare a minute of respectful silence for all the virgins that have died undiscovered. Raise the glass of your favourite tipple to all those ladies who thought their innocence was long gone only to now realise that their innocence lies in a route yet untapped with all its possibilities. Or maybe it's just me thinking there are many good girls out there.

After eavesdropping on that conversation, I can no longer listen to this song with a straight face. It has taken on a whole new meaning, as you can see in my revamping of the chorus.

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your virgin-al
I can call you Baby
And Baby when you call me
You can call me virgin-al

Nigeria or Naija?

2010-11-19T10:50:00.001+01:00

Nigeria or Naija?
Which do you identify with and why?
Instead of rebranding Nigeria,
Is it time to rename her?

Identities & Percentages: Is my Sense of Humour British?

2010-11-16T13:47:00.001+01:00

Growing up in Nigeria, I was exposed to British humour from an early age, at least from as far back as I was able to remember anything about me and the world I lived in. Mum's favourite TV comedies were "Rising Damp" and "Only When I Laugh". Other favourites were "Some Mothers Do Have Em", "Mixed Blessings" and "Mind your Language". The last two were dropped by the BBC in the early eighties for not being terribly PC. Even repeats are no longer shown. What a shame! Of course, mum had simply continued a habit she had developed earlier whilst living here in the UK. Along with these British comedies, me and my siblings were also familiar with the antics of popular Nigerian comedians Baba Sala and Aluwe. So you could say that as a family, we took multicultural viewing really seriously.

Lately, I've been reading some of my comments on Facebook and falling over myself, laughing. It's like whatever possessed me to leave such comments for people I don't even know? I'm one of those people with a blog persona on facebook and so I have virtual friends. The other day, I left what I thought was a funny comment for a well known journalist. It was a reply to his spoof ad for a cook. I'd said something along the lines of:
"My previous employers are all dead but gave me glowing references before their demise. You can be rest assured your food is safe with me. Unfortunately, my previous employers were all allergic to bleach. Do you have any allergies?"
One of my Nigerian friends remarked: "...if I received that comment, I would definitely think it was a bit...well...creepy". To which I laughed, cos...there is that side of me that likes to shock people with what I say in the same way some people do bizzare things. I joke and tease a lot, much of my jokes have that edge to them. Lily, my White British friend thought it was hilarious when I shared the joke with her, so I'm wondering if it's a British thing. I'm asking you, my dear readers: knowing me from what you read on my blog, do you think my sense of humour is predominantly British or Nigerian?

It's just occured to me that I've spent more time living in Britain than in Nigeria. In another post, I will try to analyse just how much of me I would consider to be British and how much is undeniably Nigerian. Perhaps we can arrive at a percentage for both?! If only it was that easy! Just one question: how does one indulge in such an exercise without walking on that old eggshell? Yes, you've got it. Stereotypes.

*Image: theviewspaper.net

Crackers or Eja Sawa?

2010-11-10T15:43:00.002+01:00

Tom-tom has been grazing on snacks all day. It's so difficult to get her to eat anything wholesome. Her diet consists of bread, cocopops, crackers and butter, fruits, and the occasional portion of jolloff rice or chicken and chips. Anything else gets a curt 'no'. Today as usual, she is well into her fussy food theatrics. She asks her dad to get her some cocopops. He obliges.

Tom-tom: "No, I want crackers and butter".
Monsieur Strong: (Exasperated). *"Crackers and butter ko, eja sawa ni! Oya ni Naija jo! Ko wa lo je ewa pelu eja sawa ati garri. Wa ri crackers je ni gba yen, so gbo?"*

I'm in the kitchen, laughing my head off.

** Yoruba - translates as: "Not crackers and butter, but eja sawa! Lets go to Naija where you will eat beans with eja sawa and garri! You will get crackers to eat then, you hear?"

Eja sawa (pronounced 'shawa') are a specie of small bony fish usually smoke-dried before they are eaten. Has lots of bones, so must be carefully removed before cooking or eating. Used to cook a variety of dishes including beans, stew and sauces.
Garri is cassava processed in a particular way - 'finished product could be called cassava grains.

Things that Make Me Slap People Mentally.

2010-11-06T13:50:00.000+01:00

A.k.a matters that irk me to the point of slapping people with words or visions. These are not visions in the biblical sense but pictures that one congures up of actually slapping someone because they need it! My slap list in no particular order:

1. People that do evil things to other people and use the bible to back it up. God dey oh!
2. Those with ten percent of a liver, who have a go behind one's back but will never confront in person: Better make sure I don't find out cos I might just extract that ten percent of liver when I slap you with words.
3. Those that slyly have a go: (Not to be confused with sarcasm). Give it to me straight or clever.
4. Two-faced people: If God wanted you to look like Janus, he would have created you like that.
5. People that are shocked by what I say or do: I'm not anyone's role model and do not ask to be one. Get over it!
6. Those that choose to stereotype by age, race, faith or gender or any other boxes they have chosen to put others into: This is what I expect of you - Get a life.
7. Young women that think it is their right to insult older women: You have a mother, right? Science will trump your a*s but gravity will get to it first.
8. Anons or AWL (Alive without liver) as I like to call them: If you have something relevant to say, put your name on it.
9. Name dropping on Facebook, Twitter etc. What's the point if there isn't an interesting anecdote to the occasion that would make such vanity less obvious? If you have to name drop, do it with style. Have an interesting story to tell or shut up!
10. The DIY ma'guards of Facebook and Twitter. (Those who simply publicise their activities for work or business purposes are excluded from this rant.)When you start recording your every move and allow your ego to feed you the fantasy that everyone is actually interested in your daily movements, e get as e be oh.

PS: I wasn't going to post this today, but since some people like poking their nose where it is not wanted, do yourself a favour and shoot DIY style. That way, you surely will not miss your target:):):):):)

Post initially drafted on 4/11/10

Weird Talking: A Conversation with Ore

2010-11-02T15:00:00.008+01:00

Ore is visiting this evening from Uni. We're having one of those conversations that we fall into. And because we have the same sense of humour, it's never that clear how it will go until we get there. After talking shop for a while on a host of things...

Naijalines: I owe you an outing, don't I?
Ore: Yes...
Naijalines: (*Teasing*) Thing is...my social calendar is quite full, I'm out next Saturday, so it will have to be the next one.
Ore: (*Sarcastically drawing on a joke a few weeks back*). "Ah...yes, yummy mummy!"
Naijalines: *Lol*. "I wouldn't joke about that. Wait until I finish with that treadmill and get some 'uplifts'."
Ore: (In obvious reference to 'uplifts' and with eyebrows extremely raised) "That is not a common phrase!"
Naijalines: "What's so uncommon about 'uplifts?" *Lol*.

I like to say things to get a shocked response. In the past, Ore's reaction was usually: "Oh mum! Can't believe you just said that!". I think over the years he's wised up to my game so he is now more likely to respond with some witty remark. I've missed having those witty conversations with him since he left home for Uni. This convo made me realise (for the first time) that I'm thankful he's not that far away from home.

***This post was drafted immediately after the convo on Sunday 31/10.

Nigeria @ 50 - Day 28: Hope with High Expectations

2010-10-28T01:00:00.007+01:00

This post is part of a series by 31 Nigerian bloggers celebrating Nigeria at 50.

Yesterday, Nigeria @ 50, Day 27 - Comedoes: www.comedoes.blogspot.com

HigH  E x p e c t a t i o n s

As a child, I recoiled in horror any time she expressed deep rooted prejudice against Igbo people. I could not play with my Igbo friends in the school playground without getting her disapproving glare and the sadly familiar scathing remark: "what are you doing with that okoro?" The prejudice was borne out of ignorance and the person expressing it was only a child herself. I could not understand this prejudice she had against anyone of Igbo extraction. My parents and hers were open minded enough. They had friends from several of Nigeria's ethnic groups and encouraged us to do the same.

My best friend carried her prejudice through childhood and well into her late teens. Her parents did express concern each time she voiced her prejudices. Things were to change when she got to University. She developed a close friendship with an Igbo lady. Suddenly, Igbo people were not monsters. She went on to date an Igbo man. I teased her endlessly. Why am I telling this story? We are products of our own experiences. Until my best friend had a positive experience, she held on to her worst beliefs. She began to expect postive results for the simple fact that she had allowed herself to experience it once. Once she got used to positive expectations and results, she was able to move on to the next level which was total trust in an intimate relationship.

Nigeria is like that. Nigerians have over the years conditioned themselves to expect little or nothing from their country and its leaders. I consider myself fortunate to have seen the great and mighty Nigeria, once. The one that pretty much matched the high expectations of her citizens. Before she became a farce. Until we learn to demand nothing but the best from our leaders, nothing much will change. Low expectations attract poor results and zero improvements. It saddens me when I hear people talk about shopping malls and cash points being improvements to the quality of life of the average Nigerian. These 'developments' are window dressing in much the same way one would 'adorn' a salad with french dressing, salad cream or mayonnaise to make it taste better. These 'improvements' mean nothing in the absence of basic affordable health care, electricity and pipe borne water for the average Nigerian. We have a long way to go. That is a fact we must face if we are to move forward.

As Nigerians, we must allow ourselves to experience the greatness that we as a nation are capable of. We can only experience greatness when we discard the low expectations we have of our country and replace these with high expectations. Yes, we must have hope. But there are some questions we must ask of ourselves. What is hope without expectation? What puts expectation into hope? How do we get from 'simply hoping' to 'actually expecting'? What is faith without works? If Nigeria was your errant child, would you simply condone her bad behaviour, do nothing but expect her to get better? Please bear these points in mind as you vote in the next election. I suggest to you my friend, that only hope with high expectations would do.

*This post was initially drafted in the early hours of 23/10/10

Tomorrow, Nigeria @ 50, Day 29 - Kemi: www.missonaihre.blogspot.com

Elebi

2010-10-25T10:14:00.001+01:00

It's a busy afternoon on the school round. You are trying to get to three places all at once with two children in tow. Another parent offers you a ride home. You thank her profusely and get in. Three quarters of the ride home, the seemingly kind parent stops abruptly in front of an abandoned old cinema. "We won't be long", she says, dragging her daughter behind her. You and your teenage son look at each other, perplexed. Twenty minutes on, no show, still. You decide to go over to the abandoned building to check what's amiss.

You get there and see lots of African women, mostly Nigerian, in an array of traditional attire singing songs and reading from the Bible! Your son immediately walks over to her in the front row. You are in the wings watching them. The next thing you see is your son pulling out a five pound note from his wallet. You see her about to hand back change of one pound and fifty pence. You walk over and snatch the five pound note, give her a hard look and march your children out of there. What you really wanted to do was slap her in quick lightening multiples - so hard, her elderly parents would hear the thunderous ripples across the sky in their village near Okitipupa in Nigeria.

*Elebi* - A Yoruba word that is more of an euphemism - literally means 'hunger person'. Describes a person that is either greedy or wretched or both.

It's Getting Boring...

2010-10-24T12:20:00.001+01:00

You know it's getting boring when the ipod is on the same old tune time and time again. 'Old hag, old hag', nag, nag, nag! Then you wonder why you've got a long succession of dumpers when all you do is nag? Thing is I get bored quite easily...the same way they got bored with you. So change the record, okay?

You see, 'old hag' does not quite cut it with me. I've never been one to rely on my looks. Unlike you, I was intelligent enough to know that my looks would not endure forever. My brain on the other hand, is evergreen. So what say you, Miss Anonymous two boobs? Shall we come back in 30 years time to see how your boobs are doing? Perhaps science would be clever to the point that you can actually plump them up without cushions?

***Thanks to the lovely anons for fuelling my creativity. Hope you're getting an education too, while you're at it. It might come in handy when you become an old hag, then you won't have to nag, nag, nag. Oya smile:):):)

Dear Miss Horizontal, Don't You Just Love Drama?

2010-10-22T16:02:00.001+01:00

Right now I'm in a foul mood. I've been in a funny mood all week. They don't call me 'bi-polar' for nothing:) But that's a story for another day. There I was minding my own business and reading blogs as you do. Then I came across some idiotic statement that just rubbed me up the wrong way. Usually I would ignore. I've ignored many. But I wasn't going to let this go because that person thought they were being very clever. I'd made a comment on their blog which I thought was useful and constructive. And you know I'm usually sweet until someone shows their true colours. Then it's all systems go.

Now, I know the typical Nigerian does not do criticism or sarcasm. Give an opinion that's a little different and you become enemy number one. As for sarcasm, forget it. You might as well be speaking French. You see, if it is not in plain language and one that massages their ego no end, the typical Nigerian is unable to digest it. Better that you speak French and let them look it up.

As for the -I-am-24-and-you-are-menopausal-brigade, sorry to burst your bubble but I am not any where near menopause yet; in as much as I would gladly welcome the freedom it brings. When you can swap the currency of a proper brain rather than the one that gets you lying horizontal every time you open your mouth, perhaps we can actually have a conversation.

The PA System and the Whistling of Dolphins

2010-10-15T13:57:00.000+01:00

I thought it was in my head but I was wrong. I'd just about made it to flushland when I heard the whistling. It was high pitch, the sort that could only be done by dolphins. My ears being the superhuman audio receivers that they were, I realised there were indeed dolphins in flushland. In reality they were probably more like tadpoles but they whistled like dolphins. They came out in their dozens or was it thousands or millions? I had no idea as they were invisible. They had clear vision though. Always positioned at that special place where they could not be seen. Except if you were Janus, of course. Ah...Janus! You couldn't make it up.

My vision being so limited compared to the perfect 20-20 of the great Janus, I took it upon myself to inspect flushland after every visit. My foolproof plan to catch out the invisible dolphins at their tell-tale mischief making worked every time. How did we get blessed with dolphins? Monsieur Strong took it upon himself to purchase fish from the local market. Since then we've been subjected to the frequent alarm of the Strongville PA system. Each of us speedily learned a personal pin that's triggered by an unpredictable code. Unfortunately, Tom-tom had to learn her pin too. The dolphins did not catch her out. I'm proud of her.

Monsieur Strong was another story. He did not exactly get caught out. Ah...Heavens forbid. How could he ever have looked at Tom-tom in the face again? Monsieur Strong's mistake was to pretend he was Janus. After one of his visits to flushland, I came face to face with the mischief his dolphins had left behind, teetering over the middle thick corner of flushland just before the edge of the shore and smiling happily. I had not yet learned the code of making someone else's dolphins' mischief disappear, so I asked him to revisit his own pin. Thankfully, Monsieur Strong has shed his 'I am Janus' status. Tom-tom has managed to see off the dolphins' mischief making prowess and is now 100% dolphin free. Even with the magical properties of garri which always worked in smacking the dolphins' behind in the past, Monsieur Strong and I are still in recovery mode. This is one visit that has lasted too long. To switch off the Strongville poo alarm (PA) system and forget our personal pins - that will be bliss.

Who are We Really? Identity and the Diasporan Experience

2010-10-09T14:05:00.001+01:00

An article* apparently inspired by real life experience caught my attention recently. I found it interesting that there were already a number of 'givens' in the writer's assertions. One question in particular loomed above all others. It appears to be a concern for many diasporean Nigerian parents and aspiring parents. I say this as I have heard the same refrain from many friends and aquaintances over the last fifteen years. The question (with sub-questions), is this:

Would one's children see themselves as Nigerian first and British second?

-Will they appreciate Nigerian/African values
- Will they, sadly, become culturally and "morally" lost to Nigeria
*(The above were the writer's questions and concerns)*

My questions are:
Do you think children born of Nigerian parents in the diaspora should choose one identity over the other?

To people born and raised in diaspora - Have you found it necessary to chose one identity above the other?

To diasporan parents: How do you help your children deal with the issue of identity?

To aspiring parents in diaspora, how would you deal with the issue of identity when raising your children?

You can remain anonymous if you so wish.

*The questions can of course be of relevance to all Nigerians in diaspora anywhere in the world including the UK*

*I tried to link the article in question but was unsuccessful. The article was found on *Online Nigeria* - titled "Are You Worried that your kids do not know Nigeria" - written by Simi Abohwo in 2005.

200...And Counting

2010-10-07T11:23:00.002+01:00

Naijalines (Now known as Diaspora)
'Attained' the milestone of 200 posts today.
That's including the 100 posts I had in 2008/9 -
I hope to put them back up
Minus a few questionable ones, hehehe.
Ironically it is exactly two years yesterday
That I first pulled down my blog
Exactly two years today that it was restored
Then I was off for a nine month break
Came back in December 2009
Waxing lyrical ever since
No be beans o:-)
I would like to thank all my readers and commenters.
You guys keep me going.
Enjoy old school naija music:
Christy Essien, Onyeka Onwenu/King Sunny Ade, below.
I appreciate your feedback and suppport.

The landscape has changed.
The seeds remain the same.
Ever perky, vibrant
Shoots of green
Stimulating as ever
Always Blogville.

Fela!

2010-10-06T14:37:00.000+01:00

Fela! is coming to the UK in November. Fela! is a musical based on the life and work of Fela Kuti, a Nigerian musican, instumentalist, composer and pioneer of Afrobeat. He was a human rights activist with his finger on the pulse of the common man during many of Nigeria's corrupt governments. He died in August 1997.

The Broadway musical which has won over the hearts of scores of critics as well as many accolades including 3 Tony awards, is mega hot. 'Got tickets ages ago. I can't wait to see it. For more info, look here.

Rat Race

2010-10-06T11:16:00.003+01:00

She wanted to be sarcastic
Afterall she usually is without even trying.
She thought it better to laugh instead.
Have you no shoes that you have to walk barefoot?
Whatever happened to being chased?
It's fla*ing obvious.
Respect yourself, ma'm.

Black History Month (2)

2010-10-05T13:51:00.003+01:00

More events to celebrate Black History Month in the UK:

Thu 7 Oct, 19.00
An Evening of the spoken word with Nigerian author and energy journalist Uchenna Izundu.

Whitechapel Idea Store
321 Whitechapel Road,
London E1 1BU
020 7364 4332

Free

Tue 21 Sep - Sat 9 Oct

Estate Walls (A Play)

Directed by Che Walker, the award-winning writer of 'Been So Long', and written by rising talent Arinze Kene, this world premiere follows the story of Obi, a young writer who dreams of leaving the estate in which he lives and the allure of fast life in the streets. Rich, witty, lyrical and undeniably 'street', the play appears as part of the theatre’s OMO London festival.
Oval Theatre

52 - 54 Kennington Oval,
London SE11 5SW

Ovalhouse

£12 | £6 conc

Moji Bishi Allison - Compere
Sat 9 Oct, 7pm-12am

Merit Award For Exellence in Film & Theatre
7pm: Red Carpet – Champagne Reception
8pm: official opening of the awards
12am: Ball Room Dance and Gun Room Entertainment

HMS President Ship 1918
Victoria Enbankment,
London EC4Y 0HJ

http://ogeyinka.com/

£75 standard package | £105 VIP package

Tue 28 Sep - Sat 9 Oct

Inua Ellam's 'Untitled' - A play.
A magical realist story by London poet Inua Ellams, set in Nigeria and England of identical twin boys separated at infancy, the 'titled' and the 'untitled'.

Soho Theatre
21 Dean Street,
London W1D 3NE
0207 478 0100

Sohotheatre

£10 - £20

Sat 9 Oct, 12-5pm

Diaspora Drama
Workshops, discussion and debate exploring the experiences of first and second generation diaspora writers in Britain and cultural memory of elsewhere in designing unique stories.

Soho Theatre
21 Dean Street,
London W1D 3NE
0207 478 0100

Sohotheatre

£50

Sun 10 Oct, 20.00

Jazz Verse Jukebox

Created by Broadcaster and vocalist Jumoke Fashola. Also appearing: Ghareeb Iskander, Olivia Cole, Usifu Jalloh, Acer Maple ft Michelle Escoffery, and Jannine Johnson.
Hosted by Jumoke Fashola.

Ronnie Scotts
47 Frith Street,
London W1D 4HT
020 7439 0747

www.jumokefashola.com

JazzVerseJukebox@me.com

£7 (tx can only be purchased on the door)

Sat 9 & Sun 10 Oct, 11.00

African Weekender

Two days of African inspired celebrations in Trafalgar Square over the weekend of 9-10 October.

Amazing Africa in Trafalgar Square
On Saturday 9 October, Amazing Africa turns Trafalgar Square into celebration of African culture through music, dance, enactments, food and arts & crafts. The line up includes a wide spectrum of musical genres including Traditional Dance troupes, Krar Collective from Ethiopia and Muntu Valdo from Cameroon.
Details of the programme here

Sunday 10 October
Nigeria @ 50 In Trafalgar Square
Nigeria is one of the African countries celebrating 50 years of independence this year. To commemorate this Golden Jubilee, Trafalgar Square will host an exciting event to highlight the rich culture of Nigeria and to raise an awareness of what Nigeria has to offer.

African-weekender

Free

Wed 6 - Tue 12 Oct

Nollywood Now!
The UK’s first Nigerian Film Festival, celebrating the creativity of Nigeria's film industry.
Film programme (all screenings at 7.30pm)
Wed 6 Oct : Nollywood Babylon
Thu 7 Oct, 7.30pm: Usuofia in London
Fri 8 Oct: White Waters
Sat 9 Oct: Dangerous Twins
Mon 11 Oct: Arugba

Deptford Town Hall
New Cross Road
London SE14 6AF

www.nollywoodnow.co.uk

£3 single ticket | £12 festival pass

nollywoodnow@gmail.com

Get more info on these events and others throughout October, here.

Black History Month

2010-10-04T13:34:00.003+01:00

Black History Month is here again. Black History Month (BHM) is a remembrance of important people and events in the history of the African diaspora. Since 1976, it is celebrated every October in the UK*. I am not proud to say I have never attended a Black History event. 'Usually starts with good intentions - pencilled in plans to attend several events and then when the time comes, it's a no show. If this feels like a cringey a-ha moment and you do live in the UK, please join me in changing the habit this month and forever. Holiday makers in the UK may find it fun to check out a few events too.

Here are a few events to help ensure it gets written in ink in your diary :)

Mon 4 Oct - 19:00 - 20:30

Precious: A true story: Book launch and author visit with Precious Williams in London.

Recently published in August this year, Precious's life story takes us into the murky world of private fostering in the UK. Born of a Sierra Leonian Father and a Nigerian mother, Precious was raised by a white foster mother. Her heart-breaking story is one of abandonment, the struggle with racial identity and a journey to find a sense of belonging.

Willesden Green Library Centre
95 High Road, London NW10 2SF
020 8937 3541

Free

Mon 4 Oct 19.30-21.00
Patience Agbabi at John Harvard Library in London
Patience Agbabi is an acclaimed poet and performer, born in London to Nigerian parents. Bloodshot Monochrome, is a poetic take on the multicultural. Lyrical verse laced with humour.
Part of London Borough of Southwark’s Rhyme and Reason II poetry festival.

John Harvard Library
211 Borough High Street, London SE1 1JA

http://www.southwark.gov.uk/libraries

Free but booking required

Mon 4 Oct, 18.00-19.30
What Do We Look Like?
The portrayal of Black Communities in the media. Facilitated by Joy Francis, former Editor of Pride Magazine, broadcaster and social commentator.

Homerton Library
Homerton High Street, London E9 6AS
020 8356 1690

http://www.wordsofcolour.co.uk

Free

Tue 5 Oct, 22.00 - BBC Two

Janelle Monae and Cee-Lo Green in Later With Jools Holland

Hotly-tipped R’n'B queen Janelle Monae makes her UK TV debut with songs from her highly acclaimed The Archandroid. Nu soul troubadour Cee-Lo Green, who last appeared on the show in 2006 as part of Gnarls Barkley, performs numbers from his upcoming The Lady Killer set. Watch out also for Senegalese superstar Cheikh Lo. He plays a song from his Jamm album accompanied by Pee Wee Lewis on sax.

Wed 6 Oct, 19.30
A Celebration of Tony Allen & Nigeria At the Barbican

Two anniversaries are celebrated in this special concert – Tony Allen now at the grand age of 70 but still at the peak of his artistic powers – and Nigeria’s 50th year of Independence.

Fela Kuti once said that, ‘without Tony Allen, there would be no Afrobeat.' Joining Allen at the unique celebratory concert are Seun Kuti, son of Fela; Pee Wee Ellis, James Brown’s saxophonist for many years and soulful South African singer Thandiswa.

Barbican

Silk Street,
London

EC2Y 8DS

£13.50 - £22.50

For more info on any of the events, look here.

Thanks to my Friend 'Q', for the link.

More events to be posted from tomorrow till the end of the month. If you have any events in the UK that you would like posted here, email me: naijalines@gmail.com.

* BHM Source: Wikipedia

Old Habits

2010-09-29T00:37:00.000+01:00

1. Get it all out.
2. Strip.
3. Bare.
4. Everything in its place.
5. ~~Distraction~~
6. No excuses
7. Fortune favours the ~~brave~~ determined.
8. Old habits die easy.
9. If you know how to kill them.
10. No swords, just tunnel vision.

Dealing with destructive old habits have something in common with the state of being in diaspora. It's the daily struggle of adjustment to an alien environment (new habits), whilst still maintaining a grip on one's core identity.

Bob Marley - Redemption Song

Simply Me

2010-09-24T14:57:00.001+01:00

The weather's dreadful today. It's cold and rainy. I don't usually mind the rain as long as I'm indoors. It's the cold that I deeply loathe. My mood tends to mirror whatever the weather's doing. So I'm doing my best to keep it moving. I'm currently fretting about something I'm preparing for a friend's party tonight. Haven't got the ingredients yet and I'm not looking forward to shopping in this weather.

Something a neighbour said the other day got me thinking. He said my 'complexion is as nature intended'. He then asked why so many black women were lightening their skin? Not sure I could answer for them but it gets me too. Saw Jamelia on a BBC programme last week and couldn't believe her lovely coco ebony skin was now caramelrouge. Seeing that Beverley Knight and Whoopie Goldberg have also joined the caramelrouge bus is an eye opener I could do without. Maybe I'm just 'seeing lighter'? It's not them, it's me. For a fact, I'm obsessed with all things natural. I've started the process of letting my hair go back to its natural state. I would like to stop using sweetners as a substitute for sugar, and maybe use natural cane brown sugar or honey instead. Hey, I'm a simple girl.

Simple girl,
Got no frills -
Shake it all out.
A good pair of bots
Top in tow
I'm good to go
Talk posh or mix it down town
Yo, Simply!
I'm deep but my food ain't cheap.

* I like 'Simply Red' songs like the one in the link above: "Never Never Love".
Mick Hucknall of 'Simply Red' once said in an interview that some Americans think his first name is 'Simply'.
They would usually get his attention by shouting "Yo, Simply! What's up?"

One up...

2010-09-18T22:50:00.000+01:00

Two up.

...When you Believe.

It has been a busy pivotal week. I'm good. Hope you are too.
Enjoy Lauren Hill's "Zion". It's what I'm currently listening to. Suits my navigation at the minute. I'm falling in love with the "Miseducation of Lauren Hill" all over again. Lauren won five grammys in 1999 for songs on the album. Have a lovely week ahead.

Simple Lines

2010-09-15T18:21:00.001+01:00

I write to sing the words to a new song
Light of a soul
Only of mine
Simple lines my name
Deep etchings
Pleasing on sight
Uneasy to see

Eyes to the soul
Of the gash
Strokes of colour
And time
Dipping in tune.

Everything...

2010-09-14T18:27:00.000+01:00

Him: Just about everything has a downside, really.
Her: Yeah?
Him: If you love eating, you worry about gaining weight. Love drinking? Could soon find yourself at an AA near you. Love making? Got to watch your back.
Her: Does your back hurt, darling?